Coping with early life disability in dating
I got diagnosed with MS when i was 17. im now 24, barely diagnosed with POTS and other conditions of the brain. I also have been diagnosed with autism for a long time. Ive been using a walker/cane interchangeably. In social settings like my college, i feel like i am often an afterthought, or im not as socially 'appealing' as others in these circles. I did become officer of a club, but on an officer team outing, i asked if i can pay the Uber we are sharing to make an extra stop between (because it would be a long walk for me back from the shared stop) and they said they ordered it already, i said thats okay, but when the driver canceled, i asked again, and they placed the order without replying. Those are ways I feel like an afterthought, and I kind of had to turn my head the other way to avoid anyone seeing me tear up.
I have a friend who came to this college with me, and they have already seem to have had experiences, but I have yet to know if ive yet even made a friend at this college (im autistic as well, and i cant tell until someone calls me their friend), and I have been to mixers, but people kind of have a different energy towards me.
I try to be considerate of the fact people may not know how to interact with me or people like me, but it can be discouraging.
I accidentally posted this without finishing writing, but generally, it just feels very discouraging if the social scenes in wherever i've been already can be hard to be more than "allowed to exist here" but as someone whos never quite felt like i was /specifically/ wanted around in real world spaces, it's difficult, and makes me think about the prospect of dating, it's hard to imagine myself in a light where i'd be specifically wanted, and it's hurt to carry that feeling with me all throughout my youth.
hi! i know this might seem difficult to believe but i believe that there’s someone for everyone even people like us with disabilities.
Yes you’re right. Most people don’t know how to interact with people like us.
i was diagnosed at 16 with my condition, also diagnosed with depression, anxiety, autism and CPTSD later in life. i also have a lot of chronic pain and fatigue. also have a CPAP and take lots of medication.
Now i am 28 almost 29 and happily married with a daughter.
He’s seen me at my worst and my best and stuck by me through it all.
we didn’t start out dating though. We were just friends until I realized that i developed feelings for him a few years later. He likes to tell me that he always knew i was the one. He proposed about two years later. We got married about a year or so later.
before we were dating, because of my low self esteem and stuff I didn’t believe him at first. I kept pushing him away. He stayed persistent and he stayed true and loving to my avoidant self. of course now I know he was serious the whole time.
Being with him started the healing process but my daughter’s existence helped further along the healing process.
I don’t know if I will or can ever fully heal but I’m hopeful.
Because…
Whenever I look at her the thought of fat, ugly, unwanted or unwanted never crossed my mind. she’s the light of my life, the most precious in my heart, next to my husband. And apparently she looks exactly like me and she acts like I did before the trauma. Happy, unfiltered and more confident.
having her helped me realize that I was never the problem, I was not unloveable but the people around me just didn’t have the capacity to love me, see me, hear me, appreciate me.
No matter what she does or says I can never hate her or even dislike her. I could never hurt her. And never like how my mother hurt me growing up.
As a daughter I can forgive my mother for what she’s done to me but as a mom I could never understand nor condone her actions.
My daughter is my reason. My husband is my best friend and rock and love of my life, my soul mate.
So… please don’t give up hope.
There’s someone for everyone. It can happen when you least expect it or when you’ve given up or seemingly randomly.
@lilhavenly i appreciate you sharing your story so much. that's a mindset i've reached a similar conclusion to at times, but this is articulated in a much better way. i need to try not to let go of this way of thinking, it's that other people don't have the capacity, but it doesn't mean everyone won't.
I wish you a lot of strength ❣️
