Need advice for helping a visiting Niece
Hello to all
My dear Niece reached out and is planning on visiting me over the December Holiday period. She has been dealing with Anorexia Nervosa for around 6 years, she has been hospitalized several times. The trip is a huge trip as she will be traveling from the U.K to the U.S, but she is so excited to be spending the holidays with us. We are delighted that she is coming and I have been messaging her daily. I am doing as much research as I can and I'm looking for advice on what's acceptable to ask/talk about. Is it ok if I acknowledge her illness and ask how she would like meal times to work? I haven't mention our hoilday dinner and if she wants to be included yet, as I thought I would do that nearer the time. Does any one had any input on how I can best help her. We haven't seen her for 5 years, so want to treat her like a princess, but I'm wondering if that could be a bit overwhelming for her. Thank you in advance for any replies.
Wow. Just wow. I think you may just be in line for best Aunt in the world!
I think it's wonderful you are so sensitive to your niece's situation & I really can't offer any other suggestion than following your instincts just as you've written here. There's nothing wrong with simply telling her you don't want to overwhelm her & letting her guide you. Your love & support shines through in every word. I hope you both have an amazing visit together!
@helpfulaunt I think you're already doing quite a lot already! I mean it sounds like you're really trying to research and find out how you can help, which is great. You're honestly so caring for her and it sounds like you're already quite set. My best wishes for you, I hope everything goes smoothly <3
@helpfulaunt - Hi lovely, I think it's wonderful that you're thinking about this and about how to make it easiest for her. I think your instinct to ask her what will help is a good one - don't let her eating disorder be the elephant in the room that goes unacknowledged, but also don't let it be the only thing you talk about. Ask her what's helpful and feel free to check in if things seem off, but also talk about school and movies and holidays and friends and everything else that might be on her mind! Making it clear you're there to help but that you still see her as a whole person separate from the eating disorder is probably the single most helpful thing you can do.
In terms of other things, making sure to avoid diet talk and other things like that that always seem to come up around holidays ("I'll eat salad for lunch to be good since I'm pigging out at dinner!" "Ooooh, I can't stop bingeing on these cookies!" "Calories don't count at Christmas!" "This year is definitely going to be the one where I lose those 10 pounds!", etc.) - that sort of commentary seems harmless but can be incredibly triggering to someone trying to recover. Similarly, commenting on her weight or eating - whether to say she's too small or looking healthy or to say she's eating too little, too much, or a good amount - can be pretty overwhelming to hear.
I'm not sure where she's at in her recovery, but it could also be helpful just to have in mind some resources if she needs some extra support while there - whether it's a local support group, this site, or anything else. She may not need them at all, but I know I've definitely stopped by a support group on a vacation just to help myself stay on track. :)
For other stuff, Georgie4 wrote a great post on supporting loved ones through eating disorders (https://www.7cupsoftea.com/forum/EatingDisordersSupportCommunity_54/EatingDisordersSupport_32/SupportingaLovedOnewithanEatingDisorder_27865/ ), and if you have specific questions, you're more than welcome to message me or post here and I'd be happy to help in any way I can!
Thanks for caring so much about her - she's lucky to have you as an aunt! :)
@helpfulaunt - It sounds like you're taking lots of steps to best support your niece, and I'm glad you've been so forthcoming in helping her during her visit. Acknowledging her eating disorder and asking her questions about how she would like meal times to work is a good step, as well as asking if she'd like to be involved in the holiday dinner. I feel as little as you assume and as much as you ask her is better, and could really make her feel more welcome and supported in your home.
Do avoid personal diet talk or mentioning calories, as that can be a huge trigger for an eating disordered person; try to be positive about mealtimes, especially if she is involved in them.
It's also important to consider her level of comfort with the subject. If she's not very open about her eating disorder, please do not push your niece too much to discuss it. Do ask questions, but do not pry, and definitely do not force her to eat.
Again, I'm very glad she has someone like you to support her during her visit! Best of luck to your niece, and to you!
@helpfulaunt - How did the visit go? :)
