Relapsing? Or Just Staying Healthy?
Lately I've been starting to only eat my "safe" foods again, but I don't know if it's because I'm relapsing or just trying to eat healthy foods again. After I recovered I got to a point where I could eat really shitty food and I managed to gain some weight, but now I'm 15 or 20 pounds heavier than I want to be. If I lost the weight I would still be in the healthy range. I'm determined to lose the weight without starving myself, but what if this not-so-new obbsession with "healthy" and "safe" foods is just another relapse? I don't want to be hospitalized or relapse or anything. To be honest though, sometimes I miss the control I had over myself.
I'm trying to stay as healthy as possible because than you feel good after eating than you won't have to face your fears like the effect after eating junk food so I try very to stay healthy and active everyday.
@kyralou
I relate to this post so much. I don't really have any advice for you except try to be aware of your warning signs. It's a little scary not knowing if past behaviors are returning or if they've been beaten for good. Hang in there!
@kyralou - It's not necessarily a sign of relapse, but it could be, so it's really good that you're noticing it already. I think one of the easiest ways to test it is to pick a fear food and have a little today to see how you react. Logically, a small amount of anything isn't going to have a dramatic change on your body, but when ED gets too deep in our brains, that's hard to remember. Stay strong, keep watching where this goes, and keep reaching out for support sooner, rather than later. You can do this!
@Anomalia Thank you, I'll try that
I haven't cut in over a year, but I stopped taking my medication over the summer and had a bad relapse the second week into school. I told my best friend yesterday, and I hate how disappointed she is in me. But I know that it was the best thing that I told her.
@Dollywog16 - It must have taken a lot of courage to tell your friend, even knowing that the reaction would be hard to hear, but I agree with you that it was absolutely the best thing you could do for yourself. Opening up and talking about the challenges make them easier to get through and being honest with friends can be really healing. I'm really proud of you and hope that you are able to pull out of this relapse quickly. Stay strong, lovely...you can do this!
@Dollywog16 it must've been very hard tp tell your friend, especially with her reaction, but you're right, it was the best thing for you to do. We all have relapses, it's how we handle our relapses that matters
@Kyralou
In my own experience with disordered eating, it can be helpful to break things down into 3 areas: the behavior, the thoughts about the behavior, and the emotions/feelings connected with the behavior. You are observing a specific behavior - eating "safe" foods - that previously was a key part of your eating disorder. So I would ask yourself, are the thoughts and feelings about the behavior also the same as previously?
Recovery is a journey, not a destination :) Take care
After recovery I went back and forth to doing this quite a few times. I think you have to be wary because it can sneak up on you, and all of a sudden you realize you're back and square one. It's good that you've noticed the behavour, I'd just keep your eyes open to it!
