What is this?
It's only been 2, almost 3 weeks (Tomorrow will be 3 weeks) since this started, so can it really be called an eating disorder?
It started after a female exam I had....sexual abuse is in my past, and the exam was triggering. It triggered how I really feel about my body...I am 5'10'' and did weigh 250, now I'm about 236 lbs. I'm overweight/obese. But my mental image of my body is very different....sometimes I think of myself as being thinner and more fit than what I am, yet other times I'm afraid I'm extremely overweight and will not fit into something or will be too heavy for it....It's constantly changing. Every now and then I get this feeling that I am extremely emaciated....but that could be a part of me inside who is anorexic (I have DID, which is Dissociative Identity Disorder...I have parts, or alters, because my brain split off into them during the sexual abuse I went through at ages 0-3...this helped me to survive the trauma....) anyway....my mental image of myself is constantly changing....
What started happening about 2/3 weeks ago was that I stopped eating, then when I did eat, I'd have to work it off...now I just barely eat. But then this weekend there was some purging going on, though no binging. I'm so confused.....I weigh myself every morning and sometimes throughout the day....
What is this? Is it an eating disorder? If so, when do I need to get help? I'm overweight, so I feel like the body is just fine....Hope this wasn't too much that I shared....
@MindsInside - first of all, thank you for reaching out, I know that can take a lot of courage. And I'm so sorry for all that you have dealt with, past and present - none of that is easy, and you have so much strength to have continued moving through.
As to whether or not you have an eating disorder, I'm not a doctor/therapist, so I can't diagnose you. It does, however, sound like it's becoming quite a big issue in your life, and one that warrants exploring and dealing with. Regardless of your weight, not eating and purging are incredibly dangerous behaviors that can have extreme effects on your body.
Do you feel like you are able to talk about this with a therapist? Given that it sounds like it's likely related to a lot of your past trauma, it might really help to work through that with them. I would also encourage you to reach out more here, if you feel comfortable. Talking about what's going on, how you're feeling, and really being honest about it all can be an enormous part of getting through it and recovering.
As I said before, I think you're really strong, and I think that strength can propel you into recovery, but having support is important, too. Please let me know if there is anything I, or the rest of the community, can do to help you. Take care
Thanks. The stuff has gotten worse....now I'm to the point that if I eat anything, I have to purge....It's super confusing and I just don't understand what's going on....I'm hungry, but I know that if I eat anything, I'll have to purge.....it's frustrating and I just don't understand.
I know exactly what you mean. I started about a year ago and I now purge everytime I eat if possible. It's confusing and hard to get over. Please get help now. It will only weigh you down more the longer you wait to get help.
I'm not sure if i would say i have full blown anorexia. i definitely have anorexic tendencies though. it started a few weeks ago -- before then i could eat and eat all day. but recently i've been going up to 2.5 days without a single thing to eat. i've been more depressed than usual, and more stressed and i have lost all desire to eat. food grosses me out a lot of the time now. the chewing process nauseates me and i've lost 4 pounds. i've been underweight all my life. im 5'1 and i weigh [edited for weight specifics/triggers by forum mentor] pounds. i keep losing weight but i have no desire to eat. the other day i ate a lot and i felt the need to throw up after because i felt really gross. i couldnt get myself to throw up though. my friends are getting concerned about me and will even text me throughout the day to make sure im eating and honestly i lie in response. i dont know if this makes me anorexic.. it might.
@whisperingwillow2 - I'm not a doctor, so I can't diagnose anything, but I can tell you that what you're describing is dangerous and is an incredibly slippery slope into a devastating eating disorder. It seems like you recognize that it's a problem, and if that's true, I hope you'll consider reaching out for help. This will be far easier to overcome now than if you wait. Take care, and be safe.
