vent update i guess

had a fight with my mom and it didn’t get me anywhere at all. she was finally convinced to read about eds but made all the wrong connections. she thought of how i refused to hang out with my friends as a child because i’d be offered vegetables (which i hated) to now willingly eating them as me recovering (mind you i force myself to eat vegetables so there’s actually something to consume instead of eating nothing at all.) she blamed it on bullying and genetics and didn’t even notice that the diets she put me on from age 8 were a factor. she automatically looked for a treatment plan and is convinced ‘taking up a sport and eating healthy food’ is going to fix me. going by that logic wouldn’t i already be better? she didn’t even finally admit to me this was an ed she just said i have ‘bad symptoms’. this whole thing made me so angry. i wish i were skeletal enough for people to worry because even my mom didn’t. that’s how much no one cares. i wish i atleast had the courage to hurt myself in some noticeable way instead of doing nothing. i don’t feel valid at all because i’m supposed to have this disorder to lose weight. i had one job and i can’t do it right.