Confused

I don't know if I have binge eating disorder. But, when I eat I automatically feel guilty for it. No matter what it is. Even if I drink something. But I just can't stop. And some days I'll eat so much, and other days I'll eat like nothing at all. In the meantime, I'm trying to lose weight. I hate how I look. I see pictures of of skinnier self and get disgusted at the fact I let myself gain so much weight. My dad calls me fat and constantly makes me feel bad if I eat anything. For example, me and him had a conversation about if I want children in the future and I told him I did not. His response was:"good, you're fat enough". I also work at McDonald's and is so tempted to just eat everything even if I know I'll feel guilty afterwards. But when I get home, we are really bad financially so I eat about nothing at all. Like today all I ate was a packet of oatmeal. I don't know what to do..