I Feel Very Hopeless
I feel very hopeless right now. I just want to go in a hole somewhere and just hide. I think I might have body dysmorphia and I struggle with binge eating. I have binged two nights in a row this week - yesterday was so bad my stomach was hurting so much and I just kept eating. Today I don't know why but I feel extra bad about my body today and it sucks because I have no one to talk to. I really wish I could see a therapist but I won't have insurance coverage until my work benefits start in September. I really hate how I'm feeling and I know the way Im eating is so bad for me but I just can't seem to stop. I really just feel like I'll be this way forever and always hate my body and myself. I just really need help. Even now, I'm hungry but I'm afraid to eat. I've been delaying my meal since two hours ago.
Ah yes eating until youfeel sick. That's horrible, And then we continue. Anything to stop feeling empty and lonely and stressed and unhappy and shame and failure. I've eaten the same amount I'd normally binge this week, and I've felt really sick and uncomfortable, and afterwards,I stillfeel the same negative emotions. Jut add a doe of shame too, I eat food Ishouldn't once all my commitments are done for the day,and I"come back" from work commitments to the reality that life is lonely and painful and I'm scared if I dwell on it too much I'll get even more depressed. I've got to the point now that I know it doesn't make me feel better,but I still do it,as it's what I've done for years,and the food is like a friend. And at the moment,I see a friend on average once a week. I'm an introvert, but I need human contact more than once a week. I didn't eatany junk yesterday and it felt o weird I felt lost. Sorry, I've gone off on a tangent. Let me send you virtual hugs (damn Covid). You'redeifintely not alone