Idk

I have always been a bit on the heavier side like 20 pounds or so overweight but when I was around 13 to 14 I got a boyfriend and it was toxic. I started starving myself for days and lost about 30 pounds. I had digestive issues and my period was very irregular. We ended up breaking up and I started eating better and gained weight again. I then went into highschool and hated the way I looked and made myself throw up a few times but not sure if that is really considered a disorder or not. Now I'm 20 and I weigh 190. I eat when I'm bored and I eat when I get sad to "treat" myself. I eat when Im happy because I'm in a good mood. I usually am around 170 and granted I did just have a baby 8 months ago but I lost all the weight and now I'm gaining it back. I eat a lot when I can because it's hard to find time when you have a baby. I also eat a lot at one time. I'll go all day without eating and won't really even be that hungry but I'll force myself to eat a good dinner and after I eat one thing I just keep eating. It's been about 6 days of working out every morning (besides today I'm really sore so I gave myself an off day) and I've been eating healthier and portioning my meals. I don't know why I'm even writing this or if anyone will even read it but I am proud of myself. Its hard to love yourself and your body after having a baby but I'm trying to get there.