Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started
friendlyRaspberries8923
1 236 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2021 Member sinceJuly 14, 2021
Bio
Recent forum posts
friendlyRaspberries8923 profile picture
Overwhelmed
Anxiety Support / by friendlyRaspberries8923
Last post
 July 31st, 2021
...See more Today's been a really crappy day. Canceled plans I've been so excited for, big fight with my spouse about getting rid of my dog and my son has been screaming for about two hours. I just put him to bed and finally get to breathe but I just keep crying. I'm not sure if somethings wrong with me. I love my son and my fiance more then anything. But somedays I feel so overwhelmed and just want to run. Sometimes I regret the choices I've made in my life. I get a lot of anxiety when I think about how I only have one life and this is how I'm spending it. Sure, I love being a mom. I love raising my best friend. But somedays I think maybe I should of waited to have a baby. I'm only 20. I never got to experience the world. I've never truly been on my own. My fiance and I have been together for over 3 years now and I never had that single life. Not that I want to be single to be single sometimes I just wish I had some time to be alone and figure out who I really am. To live on my own and have that bond with myself. But I don't. I see all these other people's lives- living in the city and experiencing things young adults should be. Or in college and working in a hospital as I always dreamed I would. But no, I'm at home. Cleaning the house, taking care of my baby, caring for the dogs, never having time for myself- day in and day out. I feel like my life is already half over. I'm 20. My life should just be beginning. I feel stuck, the same routine everyday. Every morning woken up by a baby, cleaning up after a grown man and constantly hating myself and my body. Somedays are great but others are so.. overwhelming. Somedays i am infatuated with my fiance. I can't get enough of him and I love laying on him and smelling his scent and feeling his warmth and hearing his deep voice. I love his smile and his laugh. The way he looks at me sometimes. How we joke and play around together. And other days i wonder why I am even doing this to myself. Why deal with the hardships. Is it worth it? Are the good days worth the bad ones? I don't know. All I know is I just want to run away sometimes. Have a few days to myself. But would he even know how to take care of our son? Naps? Bath time? Bed time? Probably not. I feel like he doesn't see how hard this is sometimes. Doesn't appreciate everything I do. We both bring in money, but somehow his counts more. Like is time is more valuable then mine. He doesn't want to clean up his plate? No problem, she'll take care of it. Does he even know my favorite color? Or how I only use a fork unless I absolutely have to use a spoon. Or how i only eat in quantities of two because it feels weird only eating 3 of something. Or how I avoid mirrors. I know small things about him.. somedays I cant imagine my life without him. And others I feel like maybe someone out there would love me more. Or show it. I'm rambling now. I know nobody will take time to read this but it feels good to get it off my chest.
friendlyRaspberries8923 profile picture
Idk
Eating Disorder Support / by friendlyRaspberries8923
Last post
 August 26th, 2021
...See more I have always been a bit on the heavier side like 20 pounds or so overweight but when I was around 13 to 14 I got a boyfriend and it was toxic. I started starving myself for days and lost about 30 pounds. I had digestive issues and my period was very irregular. We ended up breaking up and I started eating better and gained weight again. I then went into highschool and hated the way I looked and made myself throw up a few times but not sure if that is really considered a disorder or not. Now I'm 20 and I weigh 190. I eat when I'm bored and I eat when I get sad to "treat" myself. I eat when Im happy because I'm in a good mood. I usually am around 170 and granted I did just have a baby 8 months ago but I lost all the weight and now I'm gaining it back. I eat a lot when I can because it's hard to find time when you have a baby. I also eat a lot at one time. I'll go all day without eating and won't really even be that hungry but I'll force myself to eat a good dinner and after I eat one thing I just keep eating. It's been about 6 days of working out every morning (besides today I'm really sore so I gave myself an off day) and I've been eating healthier and portioning my meals. I don't know why I'm even writing this or if anyone will even read it but I am proud of myself. Its hard to love yourself and your body after having a baby but I'm trying to get there.
friendlyRaspberries8923 profile picture
I think *TW*
Trauma Support / by friendlyRaspberries8923
Last post
 July 14th, 2021
...See more I'm not sure how I feel about this. I'm not sure if it was even wrong or maybe it never happened and somehow my mind is making this up. When I was 13 my step father started trying to get in the shower with me. He would tell me how beautiful I am and stare at me naked. He never actually r@ped me which is why I feel somehow this isn't something I am allowed to be upset about. Another thing is he would make me sit on his lap. And say odd things to me like "well you owe me" or talk about sex toys he has and try to show me them. He would smack my butt a lot and untie my bikini top as a "joke". He would "accidentally" shove his hand down my swimsuit while we went swimming. He used to try to lay with me and cuddle me. I told my mom about some of these things and she always excused it because he was a drinker. I eventually told a counselor in high school and she called cys. I was ripped from my home and put in a relatives home which was very small, full of children and dirty. My whole family (brother, grandma, aunt and mother) turned against me because they didn't believe it. My mom ended up telling me if I told them I lied she would let me move out (I was only 17 at the time). I felt so alone and ended up telling the cys case worker and police that it wasn't true. Also (something I have never told anyone) my step brother sexually touched me once while I was sleeping and tried to take pictures of me in the shower once. I feel like everyone would think I was lying. I haven't talked to my brother since I was 17. I am 20 now and still think about this stuff daily. I had a very unhealthy relationship with sex until now. I used to have sex with any guy that wanted to because I felt like that was my duty. I thought that maybe what my family members did was normal or that this is how family is supposed to act towards another. How could my family not care about this? It made me feel like maybe I was lying or that my mind made this up even though I vividly remember these things. I feel that sense I wasn't actually raped maybe this doesn't matter. People go through much worse then this. Maybe I'm being dramatic. I don't know how to feel anymore
Search more from @friendlyRaspberries8923
Talk to an expert therapist
Welcome   It takes strength to seek out assistance with managing life's many...
Talk to Elaine Now
Badges & Awards
10 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Chief Chat Honest Voice First Post Reaching out Helping out First Compassion Teammate Forum Friend
Report an issue
Talk to a licensed therapist Wherever you are, whenever you need support. Get matched
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started