I've lost control
Lately I've been trying to recover from my BED, but nothing seems to work. From several coping mechanisms such as taking a shower, dancing or even meditation, nothing can distract or take away the thoughts of eating. The voices are so loud, my view of my body is at its lowest; I look so fat like you overstuffed a teddy bear. Honestly It's all down to society. If I binge now, I'll isolate myself for a week. But if I binge later, I can grab some more things from the grocery store so I can binge more, THEN isolate my fat body that should never be percieved by anyone. Though I'm fat right now going out after a binge is so humiliating; you feel more sweaty, bloated and your double chin sticks out. Those are just some of my thoughts I experience everday, and it has led to sever depression. Honestly it would be criplling if I didn't go out all the time just to buy as much junk as I can fit in my trolly.
That's all for now, wishing everyone a better recovery than me at the moment ☘️
Hope you find solutions to these problems soon. I weighed myself yesterday and was surprised to see I gained 8 to 10kg in 2022. I have been fighting with a few things in my life. I am struggling to finish my degree and coping with my social and financial circumstances. But this year, I focused more on doing things rather than just cursing myself. Took actions even when I didn't want to. And achieved many of my goals. Though I hit the ground many times but then stood up again each time when my circumstances knocked me down. I faced rejection but then eventually faced acceptance regarding my paper publication. Stayed stuck with a chapter of my thesis but then finished it eventually. It took months but I did it. The point of telling all these details is that we just need to decide on things, watch over our actions and be consistent with our efforts... No matter how long it takes... no matter what byproducts we generate during this process (as in my case this weight gain of mine wasn't part of the plan... And now I have to lose it anyway).
You were brave enough to start this recovery. Believe me you are still so strong to keep it going... These obstacles and temporary setbacks are always part of difficult journeys. You'll eventually overcome these internal and external obstacles. Just believe in your self, take charge of your own life, it's in your hand. Just keep on trying... You'll overcome all your problems one day.