My selfesteem is killing me
Ive always been eating a lot of candy, but when I turned 15 I started to over eat more then just candy. I made portions big enough for at least 2 people, and I ate it all and I still do today cuz I dont have a perception on how much food is too much, and no matter how much food is on my plate I will finish it. I buy food all the time, and sweets. I eat something unhealthy everyday cuz its the only time I feel calm and at peace. Ive gained 35 kilograms in the past 3 years.
My closest friends all look like models and I always feel like the ugly fat one when Im around them. My selfesteem has been sinking so low that I cant do things I love anymore. I used to love going out drinking with my friends, and I always felt so pretty all dressed up. I dont do that anymore. I cant be seen outside with my beautiful friends because im to ugly. If I have rules for clothes, I have to wear a outfit that covers my arms , legs and tummy. My selfesteem has gotten so bad that I can stare at myself in the mirror and then hit myself cuz im so fat and ugly. Im getting more and more depressed each day and Im losing the will to live. And instead of starting to work out and eat healthy I fill this whole with food and online shopping.. I have a debth on 5000 dollars.
I dont even know who I am anymore Im just this big fat joke walking around on two legs standing beside my friends to make them look even prettier. Please help me.
Hello sweet @sunnyBranch3227. I hear you. I hear your story and your struggle. Are you trying to fill some void? Close your eyes and get really still and quiet. Try to be there with the YOU inside your human-vehicle and listen closely. What is the emptiness you are trying to fill up with food, purchases, desires? I understand not being happy with the shape that you might currently be. But changing the shape of your human-machine will likely not change what may be lurking underneath. Please report back what you learn if you care to share here.
@WasaBePanda8675 I think I miss feeling loved, cuz I dont have a partner and Im not feeling loved by my family or friends, at least it doesnt feel real.. So im feeling very lonely, and Im tired of giving everyone else my full support and always being there for them, but nobodys there for me.
@sunnyBranch3227 All of that emptiness could definitely leave a hole you might be trying to fill. This, an online hangout, is a great place to find things to toss in there instead of feeding it with inproductive things...conversations, learning articles, etc. Now for REAL humans...any local clubs/gyms/organizations in your area you'd be interested in giving a shot? Like-minded folks? What do you like to do?...I'm a nutbag for yoga so, even though I'm a bit of a loner, have found a community there. Fill your time and life with worthwhile humans that bring you joy. Got any ideas?
@WasaBePanda8675 Yeah Ive been thinking about going to the gym again, but I cant find any strenght or motivaton to even put on my gymclothes :/
@sunnyBranch3227 Motivation is like a boulder, sunny. You've got to give it a little nudge to get it going then, with practice, it'll keep going on it's own. And energy/motion creates itself. Get moving JUST one time. Then you'll make more, feed that back into your human machine and repeat. Start small...you have enough energy to do that if you have enough to make a meal or take a shower =)))
@WasaBePanda8675
Great comment. I've heard that courage grows from acts of courage. I can think and think about something and it never changes. As they say, it's easier to act your way into a new way of thinking than to think your way into a new way of acting.