The groggy side of it all
My binge eating is at it's peak (hopefully im correct) but it might just get even worse. I know I have no self control nor discipline around food, and that I let my impulses control my actions so I keep myself away from food which has worsened my binge eating than ever. At night I take the trash to my room and start collecting whatever looks decent and binging on it. This is so embarrassing, but the reason why I'm sharing it is because Im too embarrassed for therapy and writing anonymously is much more easier than someone full blown knowing who I am. Its so groggy and i am always repulsed afterwards (obviously). My hands get super dirty and I get nauseous afterwards. This has been the biggest secret that I've kept and I no longer want this to be a secret. I don't know what to do. Binge eating is suffocating me and I keep sinking more and more into bad habits. I keep on waiting for something good to happen but I don't think the day will ever come.
@akahime444 It sounds like you're really struggling and I'm so sorry to hear that. It's so easy to beat ourselves up for things like this... and so HARD to get ourselves the help we need. However, I want to encourage you to reach out to a therapist, if you have that opportunity-- that's what they are here for. They understand what our illnesses make us do to ourselves. They don't judge.
I’m sorry you’re feeling so much shame. When I got help for my BED, the psychiatrist put me on a medication that helped. She said that BED can sometimes be because your brain has developed a maladaptive reward pathway and this med helped to stop it so that I could develop a normal relationship with food. I say that because, it’s an illness, not something you can control with willpower. Like, would an asthmatic be ashamed because she had an asthma attack? Would a migraine suffer be ashamed because he had a migraine? No. It’s just a symptom of their illness. You’re a beautiful person, no matter what. Sending warm thoughts.