i hate tracking calories and weighing my food
just want to share my thoughts in hopes someone has a situation like this or a similar one.
it's been about a month since I've stopped aggressive dieting. I was doing this for months in my second semester of school just to binge and redo it again. Wasn't even worth the 13 pounds lost, didn't look lean, didn't look "jacked" just puny with a tiny belly that I'm still insecure about. it just felt weird eating at my maintenance calories after eating so little. Even after that I still avoided eating out with my family, eating at events, and overall still being so restrictive. Few days ago when I reached my daily calorie goal, my brother gave me a piece of cake he made. I couldn't resist and just ate it. I felt so guilty the only way to cope was to binge. Then the following day I binged again. I just wished I would eat intuitively and make good meals without seeing numbers in food to build a solid physique in the gym. I'm so dependent on my food scale and calorie tracking app because without it I wouldn't know how to portion my food without getting the fear of how many calories were in my meal and fear of gaining weight. I just want to stop being so restrictive, and eat normally for once, and eat out without worrying about what im eating
@pablo219
Hey Pablo. I hear you. It sounds like you are trying really hard to recover from your eating disorder. It can definitely be hard to ignore that ED voice, I know. I am proud of you for trying. Are you currently following any treatment plans from any professionals for this?
@Remina
At the moment no
@pablo219
I see.
Is anyone aware of your eating disorder?
@Remina
to be honest, I think just my brother
@pablo219
I see. How did your brother find out?
@Remina
He seen me eating foods I usually restrict myself from. he asked me some questions like "you don't usually eat this"
@pablo219
Ah I see. How did it make you feel to have him ask you those things?
