Bulimia Relapse...

Well at first all was going good, exercised substantially, ate a balanced diet (different veggies meat grains and sweets too) and in general felt good. Today is another day of exams and I usually eat slightly more and dont sweat it too mcuh, however, after some chocolate, gummies, hard candy I began binge eating everything, out of contorl, all I could find. After I was done I was just guilty... and then came the usiual purge... .Now I feel like I let myself down as it is the seccond day in a row after over a 3 months recovery (but maybe a few fails slipped by here and there) now its 4:43, Dinner is in a couple of hours and I dont know what to do. I want to eat more but cant because I KNOW I will purge again (happened before). Tommorow is the weekend (usiual bullimic days) and i'm scared.

At this point bulimia has become a routine for me, start eating, be full and stop or i eat more. If i continue eating I end up eating even more until food has lost its appeal, with apathy walk up to the bathroom and prep for the purge to keep everything clean.

I know its okay to relapse, its okay to go back sometimes but if I didn't purge I would become displeased with my appearance and continue the streak of binge eating. I cant change my emotions or the way I feel about myslef overnight but one day I will be able to eat normally and not care about how many caloiries are in it, eat normal Breakfast Lunch Snack Dinner etc.

Well that was today, hope yall are getting better! :)

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