How Do I Talk To My Boyfriend About His Eating Disorder?
We have known each other for a year but have only been dating for a couple of months. I am away now for work for another 6 weeks. In the past week, he expressed his happiness with looking 7 pounds in the two weeks since I've been gone and that he has done that by cutting out dinner. He already wasn't eating breakfast. He says he want a six pack but doesn't have time to work out...But there are times when he will binge eat and sometimes finish what is on my plate when I am full. I think he may have bulimia...
I haven't actually used the words 'eating disorder' to him. I've only expressed my concern for his rapid weight loss and change of eating habits as being unhealthy. But he told me that it was fine that I was concerned but he didn't want to talk about it anymore.
I want to direct him toward the site and the eating disorder forums and module in particular. But I know, it's already emasculating for a man to have an eating disorder according to the social stigma attached to it. More importantly, I know it may be more emasculating to have your girlfriend draw your attention to it when you want to be nothing more than a brave hero in her eyes.
How can I bring this up to him and have an open dialogue with such a sensitive situation. I'm not sure if I can emotionally handle being in a relationship with someone who has an illness, but I won't know until we are able to talk about it together and communicate what we feel and can handle. But it's also hard as I am only able to talk to him by phone or text until Dec 20. I don't want to make a decision about whether or not I can stay in the relationship without talking openly to him about it first.
How would you want a loved one to bring this up to you in a way that won't put you on the defense or feel unloved?
@warmheartedHuman2014 - I can tell from the things you're already thinking about that however you approach this will be with love and caring, which is the most important thing. I think in confronting someone about a potential eating disorder, it's important to be clear, be honest about what your concerns are and why, but also not force a conversation they aren't ready to have - make sure that he knows that you are noticing and want to support him, but don't let your whole relationship become about it. Be there for him to talk to without not being able to talk about anything else.
You can also offer to help him find some resources so that if he is feeling like there's something wrong and he wants help, he doesn't have to do all that searching alone.
You specifically mentioned a worry that he will feel it's emasculating - you can couch your concerns in reminders that you do care about him and that you do see him as strong and as that 'hero' that he wants to be, but that it doesn't stop you from being worried about him and seeing that something is wrong.
Good luck with the conversation - he's very lucky to have you and your support. And if you want to talk more about it, you're more than welcome to reach out to me. Take care
@Anomalia thank you. Your reply was very sweet and helpful x