I am thinking about purging for the first time.... but is it worth it?
hello. i have been thinking about trying to purge for a longer time now.... i know that this is going to sound so selfish because many of you struggle with this without choosing to.... i am really sorry if i sound inpolite, its just something that doesnt get out of my head.
My eating habits have been controlled my whole life. As a kid i was kind of chubby and my parents tried to control me the whole time. When i wanted to eat a cake my mother always said "but you can get only the smallest piece" or they kind of made fun of my fat. I got really sick after, when i was like 11, and i lost so much weight in so few time, because i couldnt eat anything without pain. I felt amazing after i saw how skinny i got. But my parents thought i was too skinny so they, i dont want to say "forced" because it was without violence but smh still, forced me to eat more. I got chubby again, and they and others made fun of me again. I got skinny again, and then they would call me stick. I always had this circle. Being chubby - eating less- being too skinny- eating more- getting chubby.
what i would like to add is that my mother was anorexic as a teenager and her eating habits are still really bad. she only eats like some fruit in the morning, a salad and then one piece of bread per day.
and i am sick of them controlling my eating habits. i am so sick of it. my mother eats literally nothing and is so underweight and she is allowed to control her eating habits but i am not? I feel happy with my weight. i am not in any unhealthy weight.
so, basically, i really want to badly gain that control back. and i know i could try purging. Again, this probably sounds so selfish because i know what consequences it can have. But i just want my control back....
@dynamicHemlock1736
Hello!
Reading your post brought back a lot of memories of a classmate in highschool who suffered with bulimia.
They were often absent from class and hospitalized.
I have a few questions for you while reading your post-
1. You say " i know what consequences it can have"
What are those consequences you may create by being bulimic?
2. You say "But i just want my control back"
What ways can you gain control back in your life and around food?
These are a few questions that really stuck me as you were actually proposing them yourself.
It is really good that you are thinking this through and analyzing this
@dynamicHemlock1736 The constant answer: it's never worth it. Maybe it will make you feel better right now, but if you do it you will feel even worse sooner rather than later.
Please do not do it...you feel relief right after, but the more it happens, it might become uncomfortable. Instead of purging, before I used to workout way too much, at least 2 hours a day, and I didn't even realize it was another symptom of Bulimia until I read some of the posts within this group. I don't remember when exactly it started, but everytime I fall back into the same cycle where I binge eat, then restrictive eat, if I eat anything that day, then purge it isn't fun...the last time was really uncomfortable as my stomach had cramps from purging earlier on in the day and week. People who don't know what Bulimia is like will say "then just don't purge, problem solved" but it's easier said than done. It's almost a feeling that I absolutely have to purge or I will not be good enough and will not lose weight. It's not selfish of you at all, just please don't do it. If you can, please avoid it. Develop healthy habits to help you get closer to the road to recovery 💛
