idk what to do anymore.

Tw: heavy Ed talk

Okay so I have an eating disorder (fuck that's actually kinda hard to say jfc) but like a year ago I ripped myself out from it with like no help because I got pissed off at this app and deleted it while I was pissed. But now I've allowed myself to fall back to where I was before, and that's checking my weight every day, and today it got to 119, it hasn't been that low in so fucking long. And I just really really don't know what to do, my friends told me I needed help, and they're not wrong. But coming back here is scary, i don't wanna stop it but i also do. Idk what I wanna do.