A healthy relationship *possible trigger warning *
All I want is to have a healthy relationship with food. I see people eating what they want and being fine and going about their day. They talk about their favourite kinds of food and how much they love it. Or that food is a comfort for them.
I want to be like that. I want to be able to eat without feeling like vomiting my organs out, to even be able to look at food without cringing and feeling my stomach fill would be fantastic. I know I can get there eventually, but I talk seems so hopeless.
@RollingRain And it's hard. Because the more often the purge, the weirder the sensation when we DO somewhat fill our bellies...at least for me. It gets to a point where even eating just a little feels filling. I'm trying to just sit with that sensation. I look at an amount of food that I know darn well is moderate and healthy and good. I eat that food, feel the sensation and just sit with it. That oddness, I know from past experience, will change. It'll go away. Get past that. Let the body absorb what it needs, pass the rest along...like it's SUPPOSED to happen.
I'm with you. Wouldn't it be cool to NOT put this much thought to a simple plate of food? I'm working with baby steps. Small plate. Eat slowly. Enjoy. Rest with the sensation. Wait. Then I'm DARN proud =)
Maybe something to try for you, too?
@WasaBePanda8675 thank you, and I agree, sitting with the feeling and accepting that that feeling is just your body doing what it's supposed to do is good. I think that's what I really have to work on, accepting that purging hurts for a reason, and its because you're not supposed to be doing that, your body isnt supposed to do that.
I need to accept that my body is just trying to survive, and in working on it! Even if its hard! And the best of luck to you, I hope only the best for you and your recovery!! You can do this!!!
Take your time, RollingRain.
Share with you something. Today i was on my regular routine.
- morning run exercise
- coffee after run - this was supposed to be my favourite, now seemed to be like my abusive drink
- what i thought was what i liked food - "homemade bread" (just that mine was with added blended brocolli)
end up... i could not understand why
- same amount
- stomach cramp
- no appetite for coffee, food, although i forced myself to "eat"
-- otherwise will be late for lunch, etc..
- food was stucked in stomach for the entire morning, even now when i am typying
Stay Strong, @RollingRain
