Food addiction and obesity

I’ve been obese for a while now almost 3 years I wanted to lose weight during COVID but I can’t seem to stop or slow down with eating. I binge eat anything and everything. I’m gonna graduate from college this summer and I’ll probably still be fat. But I don’t want to. I can’t stick to a routine I’ve tried so many times. I’ve lost weight so many times before but relapsed and gotten even heavier that I used to be. I’m in a very dark place. My family try their best to help me but no one can help me but myself. And for some sick reason I can’t STOP EATING I just want to be normal. I want to buy a dress that is the same size as my sisters. I want to go to a clothing store and NOT think about whether or not they cater to larger people. I don't want to feel my weight when I walk. I don’t want to look in the mirrors and see that I’ve gained weight. I’m tired. I’m really really tired of myself and the never ending day dreaming of what my life could be if i

just stopped over eating and lost. I’m wasting away.. decaying on my bed and couch.

i just wanna be beautiful and pretty and normal.