Help - Do I actually have an eating disorder or am I overreacting?
Hi there! I'm new here so hopefully I'm doing this right.
I've really been struggling lately trying to determine whether I actually have some type of eating disorder or if I'm just overreacting about it all.
I feel extremely guilty after eating (especially "unhealthy" foods). I bring very small amounts of food to school so I dont eat too much, but then am so hungry when I get home that I end up eating whatever I can find. This makes me feel absolutely terrible about myself. In the evening I always watch youtube and usually grab a snack to eat. I never worry when I get it or when I'm eating it, but afterwards I just feel this overwhelming guilt and hate myself for eating "bad" food. It's starting to impact my life as I dread family get togethers or parties as I know I'll eat and then later feel horrible about it. Sometimes I feel fine about myself and eating, but then sometimes I hate my body and am so angry at myself for choosing to eat a snack or take a second bowl at dinner.
I desperately want to talk about it with my mom, but I feel like she will feel that shes "failed" as my mother since I have such low self esteem and an unhealthy relationship with food.
First of all, do I have an eating disorder? My "symptoms" dont seem to really match any disorder, so I feel like I'm just overreacting and need to get over it. If I do have a serious issue, how can I discuss it with my mom without causing her to feel guilty or upset?
Thanks😊
@Bluejay13 To me it sounds like the beginning of an ED. I started bringing less and less food to school, until I brung nothing at all. Then I started to binge sometimes when I got home, bc I was so damn hungry, but mostly I would restrict and restrict and fast like crazy. That's how mine started.
But right now I go between not eating at all and binging. I have learned to, almost, control my binging though, by eating a healthy snack (mostly salad leafs and cucumber) when I get home. But that means I restrict all the time feeling constantly hungry, which sucks either, but it feels better than binging.
Anyway I got of track there. What I mean is: it's normal to restrict and then suddently binge, if you have an eating disorder. Eating disorders can combine in many ways, bc sometimes I purge too after binging, or just bc I feel like I have to. But you must remember one thing: having anorexia, as I do, is not all about not eating, restricting and fasting, it's about binging too, when you have restricted or fasted too long. That will happen too, for some at least, but also for most. It's not like this: You decide not to eat = you don't eat at all or at least very little = you get skinny - that's not how it works. I thought that too in the begining, but I learned it better in the end.
And hating yourself after eating is normal too, for someone with an eating disorder. Normally I don't hate myself for eating WHILE eating, but afterwards I hate my guts.
But if you think you are developing an eating disorder, please try to recover right now! If you start working with it early on, it will be easier to recover. Talk to your mother. You got a problem, but that doesn't make her a bad mom. My mom wasn't bad either, I was bullied and therefore I hate my body. I'm sure she will be relived to hear that you want help with your ED. Get a good therapist, and get help. Get out of this as soon as you can!
There is nothing wrong with feeling bad after eating something unhealthy, but it begins to go the wrong way, if you feel bad after eating just anything. There is nothing wrong with wanting to eat healthy, but when it becomes all you want and all you have, something has gone wrong. Remember that.
And please write me, if you want any advice, I will be happy to help! I'm not cured, but I'm recovering 
@EvilRegalsReadToo I'm the same way. How do I bring it up?
@courageousSunrise47 In the most naturally way possible. But if something like that don't come up in a normal conversation for you and your parents/doctor/therapist/whatever you should sit down with them and tell them that you have realized that you have gotten a problem that you need their help with, to solve it.
I'm sure they will be relieved to hear it from you and that you want help, bc maybe they have already sensed that something was wrong, but couldn't figure out what :)
@EvilRegalsReadToo Okay thanks so much I'll talk to my doctor at my next visit
@EvilRegalsReadToo
Thank you so much❤ I'm definitely going to try to work up the courage to say something to my mom - I'm just still nervous that I'm overreacting and that she'll get me help and they'll tell me or her that I don't actually have a problem.
@Bluejay13 Never let people tell you that you don't have a problem. I don't eat a lot, I'm constantly constipated and I purge weekly, but they say my problem isn't big enough. I gotta be dangerously skinny before they wanna help me :S
@Bluejay13 I have that problem exactly. I skip breakfast and lunch, to try and lose weight. All I end up doing is eating a ton at home. All my friends tell me I
Definitely an eating disorder. If it doesn't show up in the tests, it's just because they are created in such a way that they can only diagnose severe eating disorders, but EDs should be treated before getting at that point
@GhostlyLilian
Thank you - a lot of the online tests are super vague and unhelpful, and only make me doubt myself more. But I definitely think I realize that SOMETHING is off - whether it's an eating disorder or just a problem with my mind, I for sure need help.
@Bluejay13 im so happy that you can see that you need help. I hope you reach out to someone! Take care.
This is exactly what I