I think I have an eating disorder
First, I have to say that initially I was obese and had gastric bypass in 2001 and lost [edited by 24Help1] lbs.
Lately, everything in my life is out of control. My mother is now elderly and disabled and moved in with us; my husband hurt his back and is unable to go back to work; my daughter is 25 but functionally about 5, she had a kidney transplant 10 yrs ago that started failing around Xmas, i hate Xmas because my father committed suicide and died Xmas Eve. He was the 5th father in 6 generations to take his own life. 6 cousins on his side did the same thing over the last 10 yrs. I got laid off from my 5 year, $70k job last October. My unemployment ran out. My car got repossessed. I can't pay the rent, utilities, etc. I find when I buy food I don't buy anything I like. I cook things for my family I don't like so I don't eat. It's been weeks since I've had more than a taco...and I only ate the inside of that. I've lost a ridiculous amount of weight, I have no energy, it takes everything I have just to get up. Walking from my garage to my apartment I get so tired it takes me 30 minutes to feel okay again. The dark circles under my eyes look like I've been punched. The only thing I can control is food.
@dapperAcai586 - To me, your last sentence tells it all - it's the only thing you can control. You're right that you likely are developing or have an eating disorder. I'm not a doctor or psychologist, so I can't formally diagnose, but that logic is so inherent to so many eating disorders, but is a scary thought to have because while it might start as feeling in control, pretty soon the eating disorder controls you as well and it's not a choice at all any more.
I think that you posting this is a signal that you're ready for some extra support and to break out of this pattern, and I would like to be able to help you with that. But as a start, what is one small thing you can do today to break the cycle of not eating and regain real control, not this false control of starvation?
