I think I may be developing an ED but don’t know the right steps to heal
Hi, this is my first post after not being active for a while but I think that I began developing an ED over the pandemic. I was away at school and very isolated. In spite of this, I did start becoming romantically involved with someone. Around this time, I noticed that I just could not eat at all. It was as if my body refused to take in any food. I know my SO has nothing to do with this issue but I think that in my mind, I feel the need to maintain my thin figure. I think it may be caused to some internalized fear of not being praised for being thin but I’m not sure. I know my SO and friends worry for me but I just can’t imagine eating without crying over my food. The worst part for me is being self aware, knowing that this isn’t healthy but still being unable to eat. Is there any advice people can give me on small steps? I know recovery won’t be a simple fix but I genuinely want to try my best to get better for my loved ones and myself. Sorry if that sounded like I was rambling, I just wanted to make sure I provide all info. Thank you!
@Kayleeshae4458
You werent rambling at all, im glad you shared all this. I am so proud of you for wanting to get help, thats the first and most difficult step, You will be able to heal, I believe in you. Your weight does not determine your worth.
I hope you find the strength to keep going on recovery but also remember that recovery is not linear, there will be hard days but any progress is still progress. Sending you love and support<3
Thank you for that. I think knowing that my weight doesn’t define me and yet still being unable to eat is what’s causing me the most damage but I’ve been trying to get better about somewhat ignoring my impulses. My goals for the next two weeks is to eat at least two meals throughout the day. I know it’s less than what my body needs but I see it as some food being better than none. Thank you for the support, it means so much.
@Kayleeshae4458 If I was you, I would see a therapist. That has helped me a lot 
I have seen her for almost half a year now, and I am already eating breakfast and lunch again. Yes I still feel ashamed, but I'm doing it anyways, and it's getting easier :)
Thank you, I have been looking towards getting some form of counseling through my school however that is still a few weeks away. Until then, I am relying on support from my loved ones to help me recover.
@Kayleeshae4458 You can always talk to me, if you want to though