"Just eat."
I dont get how people do it... eat. I can't even think about food or eating without panicking or my anxiety kicking in. The few of my friends that know tell me to, "just eat" but it's easier said then done. I feel gross and disgusting eating food... so I don't. I usually just eat dinner because I have to eat with my family and I can't let them find out because they won't believe me. Sometimes I try to fix my eating habits. Just this morning I forced myself to eat two waffles. I don't know the calorie count because I couldn't find the box they were in. I want to throw it up. I hate the feeling of food in my stomach. I like being hungry because then I know I'm doing something right. I hate myself for this. Why can't I eat like a normal person? Why can't I just be normal? I haven't been diagnosed with an eating disorder officially but my friends think I do and I've taken tests done by doctors online... I'm just not worth food, you know? I'm just a worthless, waste of food. And do you know how much stuff is in food?? I don't want all that in me. I feel disgusting when I eat. And when I don't eat I feel proud of myself, it makes me happy not to eat. I don't understand why I'm like this. I get it, I deserve it because I'm so horrible and fat but I wish I could "just eat."
@RAWR3 hello there :)
I know how you're feeling right now & this is not something easy to racionalizase. Most people take for granted the simple act of placing food in your mouth and digesting it. For some others, it isn't as easy doing so. We overthink things to an unhealthy extreme, we count calories and think of every gross thing we're giving our bodies. (At least that's me). It's a battle every day and most days you don't even want to do it.
I'm sorry you feel so low of yourself, that certainly doesn't help you have an easier recover or an easier path, but please know we're here to support you, and if you would like to chat, my private messages, and anyone else's are too <3 Lots of love
