Recovery???

Hi!

First of all: give yourself a pat on the shoulder for even considering recovery. That's a huge step and you should be super proud of yourself.

Then: In my experience there will never come the right moment for recovery. I've waited and waited, trying to reach a certain weight beforehand. But when I finally reached that weight I wasn't satisfied and continued: "just a little bit lower" over and over again.

That's the hard thing about disorders. They will never give you the >this is it< emotions, so you'll eventually have to start recovery nonetheless. It's the same with all disorders in my experience. Depression, Anxiety, OCD, Eating Disorder... They all will continue on, always giving you a sense of "one more time" or "tomorrow I'll start, but not today".

So now is the best time.

Recovery will be so incredibly weird and personal that you shouldn't yet fear what it has in mind for you. For me when I started recovery I got incredibly tired for a few months and was left wondering where the energy was everyone promised me food would bring. And the first few weeks I even lost weight although I ate so much more food. My doctor explained that by my metabolism starting into overdrive with all the provided nutritions. And then I started to gain weight. Slowly getting a tummy, my thighs getting bigger again and my face getting a shape apart from the bones being obvious. I was freaking out like hell. That's normal.

But my wish to recover was way stronger than my fear of gaining weight, so I started my selflove journey around that time as well. I started to really, really, focus on accepting myself and after accepting the loving followed.

Now, don't get me wrong, this isn't going to happen in a day or two. I'm 4 month (and 1 day!) clean of restrictive eating today and some days are harder than others. When depression or anxiety hits I'm still tempted to use food as a way to control things, but again: recovery is worth more.

I can't give a lot of advice since this journey is really personal and everyone will have to deal with completely different things, but if I do have to give one is: start now and don't wait for a miracle.

As well as: get help with your recovery. This can be your family who reminds you to eat or your doctor who will see you regularly to do weighting so you won't have to step on a scale to trigger yourself. Or even a therapist who will help you with figuring out why you got into this disorder in the first place and how to prevent relapse.

You got this!

I'm sending you all the luck and energy you will need for recovery.