The Last Week
So this month my therapist and I have been digging in hard at trying to tackle my anorexic ideation and body image issues. I went to see a dietician and got a self-help book recommendation as well from them as well as meal ideas.
So far, today has been the day in the last week that I've been closest to [edited] calories. I'm 5ft 5in transgender male and last I was weighed at [edited] lbs, so I'm not someone who would have a low recommended caloric intake.
I've had 2 days at around [edited] and 2 days that were less than [edited].
I've been using the food diary app Show How You Eat to track what I'm eating and then googling the average calories for my meals.
While I know logically that I should not celebrate restricting myself, there's a part of me that wants to keep those numbers down as low as possible. I also work in a high-stress job and I do not emotional-eat, I emotional-starve. The stress kicks up my acid reflux and makes me feel nauseous which then I'm even less inclined to eat.
[post edited by Anomalia to remove weight and calorie specifics]
@astuteScorpius - I think you're right that it can be hard to move past the temptation to celebrate restricting even when logically you know it's not the goal you're working towards. To me, I think it's often helpful to think about the whys behind things - why are you restricting? What purpose does it serve and is there another way to address that same purpose? Why does it feel good when you do? Can you get that same feeling in a healthier way or work on reframing the way you think about it?
@astuteScorpius hey! I think losing weight and restricting is kind of addictive, like a drug. In the brain it creates a similar effect. I agree you could consider why you feel this way and if there are other healthier ways to get this feeling. Also, i believe counting calories just makes all this bad thoughts and feelings more powerful, more constant, even though restricting and counting calories is a way of feeling in control.
Anyway, good luck and keep trying! You can get over this!💙
