Trying to fight it off

So I (22 trans guy) have always struggled with my weight and body image. I’ve been at least somewhat overweight my entire life even at my most active, it seems to be just how my body is. In the past I got into calorie counting with the My Fitness Pal app but was able to get away from it pretty quickly, unfortunately I’m now taking a health and fitness class for college and it has a lot of outdated info about obesity and how weight in general works and it’s brought back those habits twofold. Logically I know calorie counting doesn’t work in the long run and is causing me more harm than good, but it’s so hard to fight the urge to look at the calories on everything I eat and immediately go add it to the count in my phone’s calculator. It’s gotten to the point where if I eat something that’s not super healthy or that I know will put me even a couple hundred over my calorie goal I feel guilty, which didn’t used to happen and I hate that it’s my life now. The only people who know is one of my friends who has dealt with similar things in the past as well as two other friends although I haven’t told them everything about it. I just wish I had a clear way out. I wish I had someone with me to tell me not to add up all those calories throughout the day. I don’t want to tell my family because I know they would be beyond worried.