Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Feel better with online therapy Professional, confidential and affordable. Start today
Fynn016
1 1,011 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts46 Forum posts34 Forum upvotes39 Current upvotes39 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2025 Member sinceOctober 26, 2018
Bio

He/they

24

queer

Recent forum posts
Fynn016 profile picture
Quitting weed
Addiction Support / by Fynn016
Last post
 July 14th, 2025
...See more I’ve been using weed for almost a year now and it very quickly turned into me using it most nights each week, sometimes every night. I’ve taken breaks from it here and there, but never actually committed to fully quitting. Before this year I only ever used edibles, but since the start of April I’ve bought and smoked five prerolls and while I can’t lie and say I don’t enjoy it, I know it’s a problem. I plan on quitting it this week mostly out of health fears. I know it’s not quite the same as smoking cigarettes, but smoking weed has brought up a lot of anxiety that I’ll develop lung or throat cancer and I really don’t want to contribute to those fears any further. I also don’t want to keep waking up the next day feeling like *** because I got too high and/or got the munchies and ate too much. (By the way, if anyone here knows anything about how much smoking it takes to warrant fears of getting smoking related types of cancer, please let me know. I’m 24 and have never smoked before this year, but it’s a big fear of mine because of all this)
Fynn016 profile picture
No words to explain what happened to me
Trauma Support / by Fynn016
Last post
 January 16th, 2025
...See more TW FOR POSSIBLY SA AND MYSELF BEING A MINOR DURING THE TIME OF THIS STORY When I was 15 or 16 I was being a dumb kid and messing around internet chat rooms. I went into one that I knew was explicit but I wasn’t thinking about the danger I was putting myself into. A man who was more than twice my age at the time messaged me talking about how the two of us should *** back and forth. I told him I wasn’t comfortable with that because he was so much older than me and I was a minor, but he didn’t take no for an answer and kept insisting it was okay and would be fun until I said yes. I was smart enough not to share any photos of myself, but I did go along with his request to engage in sexual conversation with him. This started a long ongoing pattern of my teenage self going online to talk to men much older than me in a sexual manner and it has shaped all of my sexual experiences and kinks since then; even now at 23 I still seek out older men online sometimes even though my actions disgust me afterwards. I don’t have words to name what happened to me and I don’t know if I can even fully call it traumatic. When I was around 20 I came out as ftm and I now identify as both gay and asexual, but I’ve never been in a relationship, so I don’t know how I react when sex with someone irl is a possibility in order to fully know if/how my experience affected me. Like I said a bit earlier, I don’t even know what to call this. I don’t know if it counts as grooming or something else. The first interaction was only a one time thing, but it started such a long chain of putting myself back into the same situation with other men.
Fynn016 profile picture
Is this still self harm? TW cutting
Self-Harm Recovery / by Fynn016
Last post
 July 3rd, 2024
...See more I’ve been self harm free for almost two and a half years now, but I’ve been having urges again. Last night the urge got pretty strong, so in order to fight it off I gave the spot on my arm that I wanted to cut a few good slaps instead. Not enough to leave welts, but enough to sting and be a little red for a minute. This helped get past the urge to self harm, but now I’m worried what I did was still self harm itself and I made a mistake undoing all my hard work. in my mind I was thinking if it didn’t leave a mark then it’s not actual harm, but now I’m having second thoughts. I’ll be super disappointed in myself if I have to reset my progress tracker, but I need to know.
Fynn016 profile picture
Trauma messing with my transition
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by Fynn016
Last post
 July 16th, 2025
...See more TW for sexual abuse! I (22 trans man) have been on T for two years and I’ve planned since I started my transition that I would eventually get top surgery because I have a very large chest and it gives me a lot of dysphoria especially when I’m in public and around others. The problem is super recently I’ve been having second thoughts about top surgery, not because that dysphoria has gone away, but because I would lose the male validation I’ve gotten since I was a teenager. When I was 16 I was coerced into *** with a man I believe in his 50s. That continued through my teenage years with other men of similar ages because my stupid mind thought the attention was good so I kept going back for more. Even now, when I know how much it messed me up and the amount of sexual trauma it left me with I still go back sometimes. It always leaves me feeling disgusted in myself, but in the moment I’m getting so much attention and praise that I guess that’s what keeps me hooked. I hate that this has become who I am and I hate that this *** up, trauma based desire for continued sexual attention from men that I don’t know and are old enough to be my father is affecting my transition. I just don’t know what to do anymore.
Fynn016 profile picture
Sexual abuse online?
Trauma Support / by Fynn016
Last post
 March 18th, 2024
...See more I’ve (22 trans man) recently realized some stuff and I came here to get it out there and maybe get some second opinions and/or words of wisdom. When I was around 15 or 16, years prior to coming out, I found myself in an online chat room (being born in the 2000s I’m not old enough to remember a time when chat rooms were the big thing so this was new to me) unfortunately, it was an 18+ chat room with no way of keeping minors out and I ended up being hit on in a very sexual manner by a man old enough to be my father. I felt uncomfortable by it and told him that, but he kept insisting it would be hot for me to keep talking to him and flirt back. Eventually I gave in despite having said no and we basically sexted in the dm’s of the site. I know I didn’t send any pictures, but I think he did, my memory is kinda vague on that detail. I don’t know why I even went to the site in the first place or why I gave into the guy’s insisting, but it started a habit of going back to the site and similar ones for more. Fast forward to now, I still find myself using those sites sometimes and even anonymous cam sites, but I feel so gross about myself afterward. I don’t like it, but I keep going back. I’ve tried staying away, but that only works for so long. And even when I’m turned on and enjoying myself, as soon as I come down from the high I feel disgusted in myself and the content of the site, wishing I had just stayed away. I don’t know if this counts as sexual trauma or if I have something else going on. I don’t even know if it counts as sexual abuse, assault, or grooming, or if it’s nothing at all and I’m overthinking it, but I thought posting something about it here might be beneficial. I think I’ve been kind of gaslighting myself into minimizing my experience, so an outside opinion might help clear things up.
Fynn016 profile picture
It’s getting bad again
Eating Disorder Support / by Fynn016
Last post
 December 21st, 2023
...See more Just to get this out of the way, I am overweight and I’ve always been at least a bit overweight. But since I was around 17 (I’m 22 now) I’ve struggled with my relationship with food. A lot of it stems from my mother’s poor relationship with food and her weight and how she is constantly weighing and measuring her food and going through phases of cutting out things like sugar (even natural ones in certain fruits), starches, or dairy and then going right back to eating them a week or a month later. Because of her habits I too have started going through phases of obsessing over weighing my food, only I hide it and additionally will calculate every calorie in it and shrink my portions if I think there are too many calories regardless of if it was something healthy. Basically I’m once again going through one of those phases and I don’t know how to logic my way out. If I eat <edit> or more calories a day I feel guilty even though I know at my height and weight my body needs that many to run. I wanted to contact a help line, but I was afraid they would say I don’t need help because I’m “fat and could stand to lose the calories.” Literally by the time I had eaten lunch today I had only eaten <edit> calories max. I know a calorie deficit benefits some people and I wish I could lose weight, but I always end up in this toxic pit of restricting until I’m where I am now, going to bed with stomach pains because of how hungry I am. I hate that I can’t break this habit of disordered eating. I hate that I always go back to restricting. I hate that I hate my body so much that I would deprive it of the fuel it needs just in the hopes of “looking better.”
Fynn016 profile picture
Tw
Trauma Support / by Fynn016
Last post
 October 12th, 2023
...See more I can’t post for some reason. This is a test for my actual post. Sorry
Fynn016 profile picture
Trying to fight it off
Eating Disorder Support / by Fynn016
Last post
 May 21st, 2023
...See more So I (22 trans guy) have always struggled with my weight and body image. I’ve been at least somewhat overweight my entire life even at my most active, it seems to be just how my body is. In the past I got into calorie counting with the My Fitness Pal app but was able to get away from it pretty quickly, unfortunately I’m now taking a health and fitness class for college and it has a lot of outdated info about obesity and how weight in general works and it’s brought back those habits twofold. Logically I know calorie counting doesn’t work in the long run and is causing me more harm than good, but it’s so hard to fight the urge to look at the calories on everything I eat and immediately go add it to the count in my phone’s calculator. It’s gotten to the point where if I eat something that’s not super healthy or that I know will put me even a couple hundred over my calorie goal I feel guilty, which didn’t used to happen and I hate that it’s my life now. The only people who know is one of my friends who has dealt with similar things in the past as well as two other friends although I haven’t told them everything about it. I just wish I had a clear way out. I wish I had someone with me to tell me not to add up all those calories throughout the day. I don’t want to tell my family because I know they would be beyond worried.
Search more from @Fynn016
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
14 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Honest Voice First Post Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor First Compassion Evolution Teammate Forum Friend Hang 10
Report an issue
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started
Feel better with online therapy Professional, confidential and affordable. Start today