Unintentionally Relapsing :(
I've made so much progress over the past few months. I thought that I was pretty much beating my ED and I was satisfied with myself but today I realized when I was trying on a new pair of jeans that I'm still bone thin, I've barely gained any weight even tho for a while I've felt huge and like I was eating so much. Idk if it's because I've been wearing big sweaters lately cause it's cold and just didn't notice my body shrinking again or if it's cause I'm unconsciously restricting but I'm so so tired of this. I really was doing so good but it just keeps coming back everytime I think I'm reaching the finish line. It's something I've been dealing with for two years at this point and I'm so ready to just be done with it. I've talked to my doctor about therapy and treatment but right now it's too expensive. And it sucks cause when I looked in the mirror and was like "holy cow I'm really really thin" it didn't really bother me that much, I liked that I looked sick again and I really thought I was doing bettter :(. Anyways, thank you for reading if you've made it this far I hope you have a lovely day.
@orangepages24
Hi there!
First, thank you for sharing here--I'm really glad to have you here in the ED Community and am so glad you reached out! I fully believe that recovery is not a linear process--we will have ups and downs and that doesn't mean you're failing, it's all part of the journey and our progress builds on itself over time. However, I understand the immense disappointment that can come up when you realize things aren't going as well as you had thought. I give you a lot of credit for working so hard to move forward especially without access to treatment or therapy--I'm so sorry those resources aren't available for you right now. It can be so incredibly difficult to move forward in recovery on your own, so I encourage you to stay involved in the community here on 7 Cups! Also, depending on your country, there are a lot of resources that help people to afford treatment when finances are a barrier. If you feel comfortable sharing your general location I'd be happy to take a look for you.
I can see that you are doing your absolute best--sometimes the illness gets the upper hand but we will win in the end.
Hang in there, okay? And feel free to message me if you'd like to chat privately.
All the best 
@orangepages24 I can't say I have been exactly where you are right now, but I know the feeling of relapsing when trying to recover. It's just really shitty. Even if loosing weight without trying/realizing it is kinda my dream :3
@orangepages24
Thank you for sharing. It seems like you're trying very hard, which is amazing! Please be proud of yourself for accepting that you have an eating disorder because that is the first step towards recovery. I understand it can be very challenging, but I hope everything gets better soon! You could consider foods you like in large amounts, or eating with your family and friends instead of alone if that would help you eat more!
I do hope the best for you. Take care.