its starting again

@imsorryitry Hey Hope I know you had been struggling with your weight again lately, with all the negative comments you've been getting, so I'm sorry to hear that the behaviours are starting to come back But, I want you to know that relapses are completely normal, and you shouldn't feel badly about this. But more importantly, I think you shouldn't feel bad about your weight, and you shouldn't listen to that voice. It's only there because it wants to be a bully and to win. You beat it once before, that voice went away before, so I know you can do it again!

I think when you start hearing things like "you will get fat" or thinking that you gained weight and start feeling badly about it, it's important to take a step back and try to view this from a different perspective. Ask your self some questions, maybe even pretend it's your friend asking you, and think about what you would say to them.

Here's some example questions that I used to ask myself (and how I would answer them) Does eating normally actually make people fat? Not really. Is my weight really that much/did I really gain an unreasonable amount of weight? Usually not, I have to keep in mind my frame of reference, I can't compare myself to people I'm not even supposed to look like, or people who are unhealthy. Is gaining weight normal? Yup it is, our weights fluctuate around, and especially when we're in our teens, it's a normal part of growing up, and it often evens itself out as our bodies start maturing. Is it bad to gain weight? Of course not, if our health is good, that's what really matters. Will not eating make me feel better? Maybe only temporarily, but I know it makes many other things worse, it's not worth it. Do I deserve to feel this way? No, I didn't do anything, I should be allowed to be happy in my own body without feeling bad for just living! If my friend was my weight, would I call her fat? No way! (this was a big one for me, I never thought anyone else looked ugly or fat, so why was I being so harsh on myself? because of comments from other people? because some people keep trying to tell me what "pretty" is? that's not fair, it's not fair to me or to anyone in the world!)

I hope you can find a good amount of support during this, to get you through once again. I know you can do it!! You're strong and you're beautiful. You're better than some voice in your head telling you bad things about yourself, you're better than people's mean comments about how you're not like a past version of yourself. You're more important than any number on a scale. That number doesn't change how awesome you are, how much of a fighter, how compassionate, how gorgeous, how worthy of every bit of love you are!

i need it to go away its been coming back little by little in the past few months but i know that if i purge i will not stop once i do it again