friend struggling with anorexia and drug abuse, please help, any advice helpful
i know a girl with anorexia who also struggles with a bad drug problem. i really care about her and i want to help her but im not sure how.
so, we met a couple months ago, we got really close, like we were best friends and i know her better than anyone outside her family. we were even intimate for a short period of time but she backed off (not sure why) and im not really sure what we have right now. it was obvious she was getting better when we were closer (she ate, slept better etc) and she was motivated to get better but she wont admit it now. she seems to trust me less since then, like shes scared i know her too well. she has also stopped taking her meds since then so other drugs can hit her harder. shes kind of hot 'n' cold, like shes not sure of her own feelings and its hard to tell what she really wants. i know shes been really obsessed with another guy for 3 years now, and i think him not liking her has to do with her feeling worthless.
shes had several bad reactions and she would cut off all contact for days. we sometimes reconnect and the chemistry is really strong but then she just goes missing for days. i know she has periods where she stays awake for days at a time then takes sleeping pills and just sleeps for extended periods.
her mother is very codependant and she wouldnt talk to me when i tried to contact her to maybe try and figure a solution together. she enables her and she helps her hide her problems from her absent father who prevented it while they were still living together but they always fought and had a really bad relationship.
shes had several health problems including throwing up blood and severe hallucinations but she doesnt seem to care. when i try to get her to do something she says she doesnt care what happens.
shes also said shes doesnt want feelings and drugs take them away and theyre also the only thing that make her happy and not feel completely worthless.
she says recovery is not a smart decision for her, for reasons she either says are too complicated to explain or she doesnt want anybody else to know.
she mostly uses amphetamines and benzos for the comedown, if she has any, but really she does anything that gets her high or drunk. i also know shes injected before, im not sure with what, but i know it wasnt heroin.
ive let her know im here for her and would help her anyway i can but she doesnt seem to want help or is almost running from it and with every bad reaction it gets worse and deeper.
im scared something really bad might happen to her. it almost haunts me and really increases my anxiety levels. i kind of feel guilty because i feel like i had a chance to help her but messed it up.
her other friends say they want her to get better, but then they help her get drugs which really pisses me off.
im looking for help from anybody with some experience so i can better understand her perspective and how i can support her, any advice would be appreciated
I don't know how to help, but wanted to give you a hug. Just thought you should know <3
@moonfly thank you, any kind words mean a lot to me :)
@Scorpio4 - first of all, thank you for all that you are doing to help support your friend. More than anything right now, she needs spaces and people with whom she feels safe and able to talk about what's going on. You are already doing her an enormous amount of good.
Here is a post about supporting loved ones with eating disorders, and I think some of it might be really helpful for you. If you want to talk more about it, you can feel free to reach out to me at any time. Take care and don't forget to get the support that you need, as well.
@Anomalia thank you, ive already read a lot about anorexia and ive followed the guidelines, so im more interested in how the drugs tie into all of it and really understanding her mindset better. i think theyre the bigger problem right now that she should deal with first. i will definitely reach out to you, thank you for your support and advice :)
As a father of two grown children, 23 and 25, I've lived what your friend is going through. My son got heavily into drugs from the age of 13 that included weed, pills, x, coke, oxy, zanex, and many others. He was also a drug dealer, gun runner, gang banger, and all around bad kid, his activities conducted in a upper class neighborhood in an affluent family. Unfortunately, my family household was living hell for 3-4 years. Nothing worked: Counselors, advisors, threats, typical discipline actions, talks, threats, crying: nothing.
We knew one of two results was possible if something wasn't done; he would die or kill somebody.
When the bottom of life becomes the norm, what do you do? Who or what do you turn too? These questions dominated my thinking.
The first thing I did was focus on what I wanted not what I didn't want. I wanted a drug free son, responsible, motivated, kind, a person who makes the world a better place.
I realized that you must be the person you want to see in others. Change starts in yourself. I fell back on Práyer. Yup, good ole fashion prayer. I prayed for guidance. I prayed for forgiveness. I prayed in gratitude that my prayers were already answered.
The plan unfolded. I sent my son away to a Christian boys camp in Wyoming. I visualized daily him getting better, becoming close to God, living a healthy life style. 10 months later he came home. The rest is a happy history and future.
What would I do if I were in your shoes? First, surrender the problem to God, your higher power, your Source. If you don't believe, begin to believe. Pray and then pray more. Go to bed with happy thoughts of your friends well being. Send her love, like a text but with your mind and send it with emotion. Do it daily and do it often. Your friend will feel it and know the wonderful changes taking place in you and will be positively affected. How? That, my friend is one of the wonders of life. Look forward to happy results. Their yours.
Hi Scorpio4, As far as i understand, her mind is not clear about herself, you and you two being together as you have some sort of past together. I would say don't try to push her do anything, it would back backfire. I definitely am not saying leave her and her problems alone. Those eating related disorders don't go away easily, but the risk of death is highly likely if drugs also are included. You may consider talking with her mother or someone from her family who can be effective, in a friendly and helpful way. Just, personalizing, digging deep or feeling like you are responsible by yourself wouldn't be a solution. Don't feel responsible. It's not something you can help by yourself. It requires professional help to overcome these kind of disorders. The most you can do would be talking to her family who could be helpful. I really do wish and hope the best for you and I hope I could be helpful and my words made sense to you :)