Eating disorders and my experience on it

So today the topic is about ED (eating disorders) and its something I was familiar with and went through.

Well let's do a general opening on what ED are. An Eating Disorder (ED) is a complex mental health condition characterized by persistent, unhealthy patterns in eating behaviors and distressing thoughts regarding food, body weight, and shape. For participants—those living with the condition—it affects far more than just diet; it often takes over their daily life, leading to severe physical complications like malnutrition or heart issues, and intense psychological struggles such as anxiety, isolation, and guilt. This preoccupation can disrupt social relationships, academic or professional performance, and overall quality of life, making it a deeply taxing experience for both the individual and their support system.

So yeah after knowing what ED is in some lines thst ofcourse dont begin to cover the emotional and physical toll a person has to go through while having ED, its time for me to tell you my experience on it.

I started having ED from 2 reasons (the ones I have found anyways)

1. I have undiagnosed ADHD PTSD and many other things and I have also undiagnosed stress and anxiety on a high level and those stuff lead me to "cope" with the unhealthy way of not eating.
2. I had quite some episodes seeing my father choke on food because he is eating kind of fast and we had to like save him 2 or 3 times and I was a little kid and I got kind of scared.

So those are the main 2 reasons. My experience was pretty bad. It happened in elementary school and also almost stayed for 1 year. At this one year my life was a mess. I hated the times thst I had to eat plus I couldn't even look at food. The smell, the picture and the taste of food made me wanting to throw up. When I ate I used to take small bites and chew them for many minutes and then I wouldn't spit them out. I couldn't even swallow.

You will ask "didnt you have support?". Short answer: no. Long answer: my parents didnt help. They used to do the following:

1. Yell at me to eat. It was a fight a constant one every time it was time for food. I remember myself shaking too much out of fear.
2. Insult me. They used to tell me stuff like "look at how thin you sre you will fall down you need to eat"
3. Threatening me. They used to tell me if ll end up in the hospital and they wont be there for me. Also, they used to tell me that they will "force the food down my throat". 

They never understood me. Many other things happened as well but everyone who knew it (not many people to be honest) where judging me. 

To be honest? I dknt even know how I managed to get on my own two feet and pull this through alone. 

The thing is that from times to times I feel it coming back. And I try to fight it.

That was my experience. Write yours In the comment and I wish you the best. I wish you never have to go through what I went through, I wish if you are going through it now to pull through it and I know you can, I believe in you and to those people who went through it already I wish a good recovery.

Thats it. Thank you for reading.