How it started

It startedast year around Thanksgiving. I'm a 5'3 13yo girl (almost 14). Around Thanksgiving last year we got sick and the medicine we had to take required your weight so that they give you the right amount to take. And when My brother (16 at the time) stepped on the scale it said 125. (He's 5'10) and when I stepped on the scale it said 120. I lost it, I always thought I was over weight but that moment broke me. The way my brothers looked at eatchother when it said 120 felt like a knife in my back. My mom said it was normal but if in being honest most of it was fat, not muscle, after that I got a book and a pen and I started writing everything I ate, drink, and did that day for a few months. And you would see the decrease in my eating while reading it, I drank so much water so I would stay full, and barely ate anything. I would eat a granola bar, or some cantaloupe then drink water and that's it. After about 1 or 2 months I lost 9 pounds. Then 1 more month after, I lost 6 more pounds. I was at 105 when my mom realized something was wrong. She was gonna do whatever to help but i don't think she knows she made it worse. She made me gain weight to where I was at 112 and most of it was fat again. I hated myself throughout these 9 months, still do. I got back to a normal weight but I still felt like my mom was more strict now, and she didn't realize she was making my mental state worse with keeping Me inside so much and not letting me do anything, I felt so alone, even tho she said she would always be there, I felt like I couldn't trust her. After awhile of doing good with my eating around December of last year I relapsed. I stopped eating normaly, and now I'm 98 pounds, my mom is trying to make me gain weight but I don't want to, I finally am liking my body and I realize that when I like my body, I'm more happy. Even if I'm unhealthy I want to stay like this I'm started to love myself finally. But she's making me over eat and I'm going to start gaining to much weigh, I think I have depression.