Recidivism - A Poem about ED Relapse

I wrote this poem because I wanted to showcase how living a chaotic life, where you feel like you have no control, can make you fall back into old habits, just to have an anchor to ground yourself again. I've "recovered" from my ED for 3 years now, but I find myself going back to it like it's my home.   

A Home That Hurts

When I put my shoes on and go for a walk,

The demons chase me, they sneer and mock.

I continue striding down the unwieldy path,

Deafening myself to the echoes of relapse.

Blisters bloom where I stumble,

Knees kissed by gravel, yet I crawl.

But my legs falter, my steps grow weak

I tell myself to move, but I’m too fatigued to speak.

I need to find a place to rest,

And there’s nowhere but the cage I know best.

I know it will ruin me, hold me tight,

But its four walls keep me light.