Do I have an eating disorder??

About 2 years ago I gained some weight so I decided to go on a diet to lose it.

I started to count calories and exercise at home, I used to eat about 1200 calories everyday and everything was fine for a while.

Not sure when something changed but at a certain point I started to refuse to eat non planned meals, to get headaches and light headed and to get easily irritated by the smallest things.

I also started to binge, in particular in days where I could not count calories because for example I was obligated to eat outside.

Of course I then tried to balance it the day after going for long walks and eat half the calories.

During all this my weight kept going down so I coped with it until a day I had kind of a mental breakdown (?), i started crying and could barely breath, I don't even remember what triggered it.

I decided to slowly increase my calories and subscribe to a gym but, although I binge less I still do it.

And the worst is that I can't stop counting calories, I don't know how to do it.

I lost all the weight and I'm still not satisfied with my body.

3 days ago I ate more than my normal calories and I could not stop, I've been eating less during these days.

I'm currently a bit underweight and I want to gain muscles but I can't bring myself to eat more.

I feel like I have to plan my life around food and it's exhausting, I'm tired.

Thanks to everyone who will read this.