Are there any men with eating disorders here?
I'm a man in my 40s, and I've been struggling with binge eating and exercise addiction since I was 14. I think I also worry too much about my body image.
Ideally, I'd eat healthy food, but even now, when I get stressed, tired, or feel lonely, I buy a bunch of junk food at convenience stores and binge eat before bed.
With exercise too, I started martial arts over 20 years ago, and I'm scared to take breaks. Even now, I spend 5-6 days a week practicing or teaching. I often go even when I'm tired.
With my body, I'm scared of looking old, so I spend way more money than other men my age on beauty products and supplements.
I cut ties with my family years ago, and I spent the New Year alone, binge eating, and it messed up my daily rhythm and mental health.
Men with binge eating + exercise addiction are really hard to find in Japan. If you're here, what are your days like? Even if you're somewhere far away on Earth.
@HajimeEndo
I hope you find someone here who understands and can support you and share their experiences.
But I wanted you to know, you are heard, your feelings matter and you are not alone here!
I'm sorry you feel you need to put so much pressure on yourself to feel and look good.
You are enough , and I hope one day soon, you see that 💚
Thank you. My friends tell me I'm not alone too, but being able to feel that way is really important, isn't it?
@HajimeEndo
It's very important 💚
@HajimeEndo
Hello! There are definitely other men in this community who have suffered eating disorders. I am sure of it. I am sorry to hear that you have struggled with BED and exercise addiction for such a long time. I am sorry to hear that you spent the New Year alone and that you are still struggling with your binge eating and exercise addiction. It definitely sounds like you are drowning and feel like you are alone in this struggle. I hope that you are able to find other men who also struggle with these things and maybe lean on each other. I also recommend reading the other threads in this community, as some men must have shared before you.
@Remina Hello, thanks for your comment.
Yeah, you're right - it might be hard to find someone who has all of them together: binge eating, exercise addiction, body image issues, plus being male. But there might be people who match two or so of those things.
Yeah, I'd like to know what kind of daily life they're living.
I looked back through other threads too, but I couldn't find any from the titles. But maybe I'll search more when I'm feeling better.
@HajimeEndo
You are welcome! And definitely, when you feel a little better, look a little more. You can also visit the support rooms. There is a mixed group of people in the rooms, and you can talk live to them in the chatrooms!
@Remina So there are support rooms - are those places where the chat is really active?
I just got here, so I don't know much about it yet. I want to get used to it little by little.
@HajimeEndo
Yess! There are support rooms! The rooms are pretty active. Are you on the app or browser?
@HajimeEndo
Good question! So there are several chatrooms. Member Community room is for more light-hearted talks and the support room 24/7 is where you can go for support. Then there is also the sharing circle. You can click here to see how to unlock other rooms.
@Remina I can unlock it - I wonder if that costs money... If I have time to relax when I get home today, I'll try it out!
@HajimeEndo
It is Free! The only thing that costs money is therapists!
Let me write about my daily life.
Right now in Japan it's past noon, and besides the food I made too much of yesterday, I ate a lot of popcorn and yogurt, and now I can hardly move. I don't want to go teach, so I eat a lot to escape from reality.
Then I force my body to move using stimulant supplements, and end up leaving home barely in time, running late.
I'm also dependent on supplements, but right now the bad effects from overeating are bigger. And then I rush to get ready and head out.
Oops, maybe I wasn't supposed to write specific food names. I'll be careful.
Yesterday, because of the air pressure and tiredness, I stayed in bed the whole time, stuffing myself with food, then sleeping and waking up over and over.
Really, it might be that I keep repeating this cycle of binge eating and staying alone because of things like - lack of confidence in myself, the feeling that I'm alone anyway, wanting to rely on someone (but also giving up and feeling angry that I don't have that kind of value), wanting to look away from my problems... all those feelings.
Without depending too much on something or someone (though I think it's okay sometimes), I suddenly thought I want to be able to support myself and design a life where I take care of myself.
I don't know where to write this, so I'm just writing it here for now.
These past 2-3 days, I haven't been too troubled by binge eating urges, and with help from exercise and stimulant supplements, I've been tired but somehow getting through each day.
But the problem is when I have free time, like on days off.
Besides work, I have a project I want to accomplish, so I try to work on it on my days off. But when things don't go well or I feel bored, the urge comes flooding back to go to the convenience store and carefully browse the products.
Today I've only eaten healthy things so far, but...
I know that if I eat that stuff, my blood sugar will crash, my motivation will drop, my project won't move forward, and I'll hate myself.
I know loneliness and boredom are big triggers, but still...
@HajimeEndo
You are doing so good! I can understand that those urges come when the mind is idle or when there is stress because your mind remembers. You are so strong, fighting through it, eating healthy, and not binging on snacks! You got this.
@Remina Thank you. That happens a lot, doesn't it. It's not a full-on binge, but I bought a bunch of relatively healthy things and ate a lot today. I did cook though, so I'll call that okay... The fact that it costs money is another troublesome thing about binge eating, right
@HajimeEndo
You are welcome. It is great that you cooked. I believe it is progress to go from binging unhealthy things to binging healthy things. It is definitely something to work on but you are aware of this. I agree that it is troublesome that binge eating can be so expensive. What are some other things you can do that can help when you want to binge eat?
@Remina Binge eating really costs a lot of money. I spend about 3-4 times more on food than men my age. When I calculate it... I exercise intensely a lot, and then I end up buying tons of stuff at the supermarket afterward. Exercise clears my head, so I just buy things without thinking.
Instead of binge eating, I could go to my rented office and work on my business project, but while I'm working on it, I end up eating at the convenience store. Also, when I'm talking with friends, I do eat but maybe I don't stuff myself as much or feel bad about it afterward.
@HajimeEndo
I hear you! It can definitely cost a lot and we do a lot of it absentmindedly. How do you feel about creating a shopping list when you go to the supermarket and not allowing yourself to buy more than what you should have?
When I was struggling with absentmindedly binging snacks, what I did was I kept it in a space I did not visit often, and I limited myself. Is that possible to you?
@Remina To be honest, that method works once or twice, but at some point there's a rebound and I end up buying even more lol. Also, after training, it feels like my limits are off. Today I went home without stopping at the supermarket, but part of that was because I had work to get back to.
@HajimeEndo
I can understand that the method only works a couple of times before you end up rebounding. It sounds like when you know you have something important you have to get to, you are able to ignore the urge to stop at the supermarket. How possible is it to act like you have something important to get to, when you have the urge to stop? Like for example, you get the urge to go to the store, you say "no, there is no time, I have to do xyz"?
@Remina I think I'm probably the type who can't control myself. I have ADHD tendencies too. When I'm at home, if I'm left alone I'll just stay in bed forever, so getting up and starting the next thing is really hard. Things like housework, work, projects, you know.
I can naturally ignore bad habits when:
- There's something important I have to do
- There's something way more exciting than that habit
So when I get the shopping urge, I should think about what I want to do with the money I'd save, but then I think "even if I save it, I have to pay taxes first" and stuff like that, and it's not exciting at all lol.
@HajimeEndo
I feel you! Self-control is something that many struggle with and have to learn to reel in. Mix that with ADHD tendencies and it makes sense why it can be hard. I can understand how this together would make being productive into a chore. Do you take any medication for your ADHD?
And yes, definitely try to think more about the money you would save if you resist the shopping urge! I know you just said that sometimes you think even if you save it, you have to pay taxes first, and yes I know that is not exciting. But frame it more as this, "I have to pay taxes. If I do not listen to my shopping urge, I will have extra money for when I see something that I really want or need"
@Remina ADHD meds don't work well for me. Recently, I only take a really tiny amount of armodafinil once in a while - I cut it with a pill cutter over and over. I don't want to take it all the time because it makes me tired.
You're right, besides paying taxes, I could use it for other fun things. I wonder what kind of fun things would be exciting enough to resist the shopping urge...
@HajimeEndo Oops, I hope it was okay to write the name of the medication here.
@HajimeEndo
I am sorry to hear that the meds don't really work for you. And yes it is okay to mention medication names, just not doses :) Any idea why the meds don't work well for you? And hmm, well what are some things that you would be into? Maybe you could find something you want to save up for?
@Remina Got it about not mentioning doses. It's not so much that the meds don't work - each one makes me dizzy, or brings down my mood, or clearly doesn't match my body. I think my body is probably really sensitive to meds.
I've been thinking these past few days - my worry right now is that I have a few small warts on the right side of my face, and they haven't gone away for over a year. What if I tried saving money to get them removed at a cosmetic surgery clinic
@HajimeEndo
I hear you! The side effects from some of these mental health medications can be yucky and not be the greatest. I do know that sometimes these side effects can lessen the longer you are on the medication. How long did you allow yourself to take the medication before you decided to stop?
Oh, that is a good idea! Saving money for a cosmetic surgery to remove a few small warts sounds like it would a great way to encourage you to save money. Let's do it!
@HajimeEndo
I understand you so much and I think there are many people in japan who struggle with body image too. I started living in japan one year ago and developed BED since i moved to japan and it definitely from the insecurity of body image (everyone in japan is so lean and seem perfect) and i feel so lonely having no one to share about this too. But there are many people who struggle with this, you are not alone, so be strong:)))
@12345Nnna Thank you for your reply and for understanding!
Oh wow, so you live in Japan, and that's what made you feel insecure about your body image.
It really helps me feel stronger knowing there are people like you in Japan. Thank you!
(Actually, my body image anxiety and binge eating started when I was living in Germany. The boys there looked so strong and solid, and I felt weak in comparison.)
You're right that many people in Japan tend to be pretty slim.
Coming to a foreign country and going through something like that must make you feel really lonely and anxious.
But 12345Nnna, you're not alone either - I'm here too!
@HajimeEndo
i want you to know that you're not alone, me and so many people are going through the same things you're going through.
so proud of you for being so strong, you can do this, you're a fighter
also I'm here if you ever need someone to talk to :)
@leahmalay23 Thank you. It helps me relax a little bit knowing that somewhere in the world, other people feel the same way. Looking at your profile, are you good at chatting? I still don't really understand the system here yet.
@HajimeEndo
It takes a lot of strength to share something this raw. I’m female, but I’ve been living with binge eating, body‑image anxiety, and compulsive exercise for a long time too.
There are moments when it pulls me into such a dark place that I don't have any motivation or energy to socialize and even seek help. The helplessness, isolation, and despair feels overwhelming.
As I read through your posts and the way you describe your days, I felt a deep heaviness in my chest. I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone in this, and you’re always welcome to reach out to me if you want someone to sit with you through it.
Take care 💜