Recovery When You Aren't Skinny
I know one of the rules here is to not speak about weight specifics, but I'm struggling with feeling like I actually have an ED when I'm not unhealthily skinny like others are. I apologize if this is triggering, also. I just maybe want to see if others struggle with this like I do?
I've never been thin. And I promise that isn't the disorder talking, I hear about my "obese weight" from my doctor every time I go in and he was a big fuel into my disorder as it is today. I've been on and off of self imposed diets for over 8 years now, and I'm still just a teen. An "obese" teen, as well. A big teen, who has grown up from being a big kid as well. I used to hear it from everyone in my life that I needed to be smaller to be okay and that being me and my size was bad. So I made up diets or later on found them online once being online became something I had access to. Once I got online, I also found workouts and diet articles and all kinds of things that promoted me being bad and seen as lazy or stupid just because of my looks. And then I started fully starving then, as a means of "getting healthier" and I went more and more into toxic community after toxic community. Eventually, this year, I realized that I can't keep living my life on no energy (as I've been working on my other mental illnesses as well) and that I wouldn't be able to feel better at all unless I started trying to recover. And I've been working at it for a few months now. (I'm also running out of characters, oops.)
@xenodawn What I noticed from your post was how you kept saying other people, websites, etc said that you being your size is bad. I understand about genetics and how you might not think you have the genetics to be a certain size. What I'm wondering is what do you really think? Setting aside what other people have said, or what the internet says, what you think is far more important. Because other people, they don't know you or your struggles.
Self love is so important. Accepting yourself, for all that you are, including your flaws. I struggle with this, too, and have been the victim of watching beautiful people and thinking that I should look exactly like them, of having people make off color remarks about me out of anger, which causes me to drastically change my eating habits. What I want is to accept myself, and want to make a change, not for everyone else (because that's normally what I do), but because it's something I want.
Be kind to yourself 
I've been through something similar, where i've been overweight my whole life, then got an ED, along with a host of other issues.I starved myself so much that I got to a socially accepted weight/body type in just a few months. I couldn't eat, I coudn't sleep, I just walked and walked.Food made me nauseous. I would faint from hunger every few days.My grades suffered, my mental health suffered but socially I was at my peak.It felt so so good to be finally be in the perfect body shape. Mind you, I wasn't even skinny then, I was just normal.
It took years of therapy, rewiring all those brain circuits and telling myself that my mental health is important too, to get back to normal. Now mentally, I'm healthier than I've ever been, physically, I'm back to my old weight. I'm definitely sick and tired of all the helpful dieting advice, being told to exercise more, asking why I wouldn't try this or that diet, or why I'm not cutting down on calories but frankly I'm enjoying being alive and happy for now. Experiencing life and being genuinely interested in it and looking forward to another day. So I'm not ready to open that old can of worms. I'm just trying to live better and happier.
Anyway the point of that old rant was so you know that you're not alone and sometimes being happy is more important than being socially accepted for your weight or size. Take care! Stay strong
I'm in this exact boat at the moment 
I start having therapy sessions this Friday, but I still feel like my disorder is invalid and almost doesn't deserve recovery because I'm not in that anorexia weight bracket. It's so sad that that's the mindset that this monster puts us into, but it's this same mindset that you, I, and everyone else like us needs to get rid of STAT.
Hope you're doing well
@xenodawn
I've always been slim and after I developed anorexia I didn't lose weight. This lead to a huge relapse for me when I saw my anorexic cousin who's always been bigger my weight or less. She looked so different I didn't even recognize her. The point is starvation can have different effects on different bodies but at the end of the day we're still starving no matter how skinny we've gotten.
