Recovery plan
That’s gonna be a long post. I guess I’m writing this mostly for myself, cause I’m gonna burst out if I don’t spill it... I have no one to talk about this problem.
I’m trying to find the solution to my eating problems. After spending 7-8 years attempting to stop overeating and occasionally binge eating, I understood some things about myself:
1) I don’t like dieting (it drives me crazy)
2) I’m actually okay with my body, and I’m not obsessed about the idea of losing weight anymore
3) I don’t like the idea of food journaling
4) I don’t enjoy mindful eating/slow eating
5) I don’t like overcomplicated solutions to my eating disorders
6) I don’t like chewing my food many many times (I used to chew every bite until it’s liquid-like)
After I gave up on those things, I got much better! I stopped binge eating, it took some time and it was scary to eat without all those rules in my mind, but it worked! I even stopped overeating for a whole year and involuntarily lost some weight. Right now I gained half of those weight back, and gladly I’m absolutely fine with that. I don’t regret, I don’t hate my body.
But even though the situation got better, I still struggle with food. That overeating-free year was peaceful cause I didn’t work, and didn’t study. But once I found a job, it slowly started to get worse. I started overeating occasionally, then more often. I can’t live without stress at all, there is always be stress to some extent (which is not bad, Im talking about “healthy” stress that leads to growth). So I need to solve my eating disorders for good
I was thinking to apply some methods that already worked for me before and felt more or less natural to my personality. From all my experience I understand that not every “good” habit can be good for me. Cause mindful eating sounds nice, right? But I tried it persistently for 1 year and it made me being obsessed with food even more. So I don’t wanna make the same mistakes anymore, and give habits a “try” before committing to them. Some habits will fit in, some won’t, and it’s fine!
I wanna try a habit of behaving and thinking like a naturally-slender person. Again, not to lose weight. I just wanna have normal, natural perception of food like those people. They are free from constantly thinking about food, they are free from escaping stress and other feelings with food. I wanna be like them. To do that, I understood that I need to teach myself to eat when I’m physically hungry and stop eating when I’m not hungry anymore and satisfied. The problem is my mind takes everything so seriously, and I tend to perceive it as rules or a diet. But it’s not like that... idk what is it, tbh. I struggle to take it normally.
This is a simple solution: “Eat when physically hungry. Eat in moderation”. The implementation is not that simple. But I want to try, I want to really try and see how my brain take those words as I progress. Maybe with time they will sound more natural and closer to me, maybe they will become part of me. I hope so. If this lifestyle fits into my personality, I’ll be so happy and free, I guess.
Let’s see, I wanna share my progress here and update you with my journey. Wish me luck, I’ll try to post my insights every week.
And I deliberately chose this time before New Year. I had some thoughts about starting after holidays but again it was just my diet mentality speaking. I choose to change now
@4evercurious
Thank you for sharing all this with us. It is difficult not having anyone to talk to about it. This seems like it has been a long journey for you and you got to know yourself better as a result. I completely agree with those things. Suppressing appetite/Dieting can actually lead a person to eat even more than planned, and it often has adverse consequences. Therefore, I also think that eating without all those rules can be helpful. Another important point is that what works for someone else does not have to work for you and it is completely fine! Because only if you find what is suitable for you it can help. One thing that also comes to my mind is that maybe finding alternative ways of coping might also work at times when you feel too much stress that might lead to over-eating.
I wish you lots of luck, you can manage it! You sound very determined, and it is admirable.
Thank you so much for your response! You can’t imagine how good I felt reading your message. I felt heard and understood, thank you!
I agree with you about alternative ways, I’m trying to explore things I might enjoy. Not gonna lie, it’s so challenging, sometimes it seems like I don’t truly enjoy anything except for eating, lol. But I guess it’s because of a rich and big eating experience I like it so much. I’m sure if I dedicate such time and effort to other things, they’ll bring me joy as well :D
I too had a year when I lost a lot of weight, but now I've gained 1/2 of it back. I blamed COVID and some physical limitations I've recently been diagnosed with.
I also am planning to get back on the wagon in 2022, but recently, I had a thought that has hit me in a VERY good way, and that is that:
"I am going to be a better parent to myself."
As a parent "myself, I've always striven to feed my child mostly healthy, wholesome and nutritious food. But now that she's grown up and gone, I've been pretty careless about how I eat. My idea is a loving myself way of thinking...and that is a completely different way than I used to approach losing weight!
I hope that can help you too.
Thank you for your time to read my enormous post and responding to it! I appreciate it a lot!
It’s an amazing mindset you suggested, new way of seeing self-love. I’m also trying to be kinder and more loving to myself, even if everything gets messy and hopeless. Cause at the end of the day, who else would care for me and protect me if not myself?
I don’t have kids yet, so I guess I wouldn’t be able to relate completely to the feelings you have about the idea you suggested. But surely I’m gonna try it out! Thank you again 💕