Surprises in Recovery
Happy Recovery Month! As part of our celebrations, today I have a question for you!
What surprised you about recovery? It could be something big or small, good or bad, but what was something unexpected for you about the recovery process?
For me, I was surprised by a few things
- I think I got trapped in some of the same myths that a lot of people without eating disorders believe and thought that once the eating behaviors were fixed, I would be all better, and that I didn't really have to deal with the emotional side behind it - that led to a few relapses before I figured out that both sides were important
- I was surprised by how many people could relate and how helpful my support group was. Every week someone would say something that was so true for me but I'd never thought about!
- I was surprised by how much easier some parts were and how much harder other parts were. For instance, facing fear foods - there were some that I would have sworn would be impossible that ended up not feeling like such a big deal when I finally faced them, and others that seem like they shouldn't have been that bad but took me ages to be able to handle even a bite of. Sometimes there's no logic, but that doesn't make the feelings or fear less real!
- I was surprised at how much I can accept my body in recovery. There are days when I'm not super happy with it or where I wish it looked different, but there aren't days when I feel like going back is worth it, and there are lots of days I don't even think about my body or when I look at parts of it and am happy.
How about you?
For me a surprise was that it had been almost 4 years since the last time I made myself throw up, and while sometimes I want to i never really go through the process.
However today I threw up because I was genuinely sick, it was either that I was coughing too hard or I ate something bad. I think it was a bit of both. After I threw up I felt really strongly that it was actually I good thing for me so I could lose weight, I was sort of happy about it, and it just surprised me that that thought came around because of it. It also kind of worried me thst I still subconsciously thought that way.
@Bloom97 - It can definitely be scary to have those thoughts pop up when you have been in a good place for a long time. The way I feel about my recovery is that even though sometimes those thoughts still will bubble up, I'm not much better at shutting them down and remembering all the reasons that I don't want to go back to my eating disorder. What can you do today to make sure you're still taking care of you and staying on the recovery path?
@Anomalia to be honest I normally try and distract myself. So currently at this moment I'm playing overwatch, the game. I don't really have many other ways that keep me on track.
@Bloom97 - Distractions can be a great tool for dealing with the in the moment struggle. And sometimes I think that if it's a shorter term thing, that can be enough. But if you find yourself feeling those things or thinking those things longer term, maybe other options could help, too...even just talking through the feelings with someone to help work through them?
@Anomalia Yh I know. The only problem is that I'm currently in between therapists (cause of other mental health issues), and I've never actually told anyone that I used to be bulimic, not even my therapist or family. I think because i only did it for a very short period of time (like 6 months) it's always been the least of my problems, I stopped before it became a huge problem.
So that's the reason why I don't have any long term coping mechanisms.
