Advice on how to cope with my dad having a new family?
Hi, so, my parents got divorced recently and both are already dating other people, and I just... didn't cope well with it at all. With my mom it's easier because her boyfriend lives in a different town and in general she is more attentive and makes an effort to spend time with me. My dad in the other hand, has a girlfriend who also lives here, and I'm just miserable about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy for him, all I want is for my family to be happy. However... it hasn't been easy. First of all, they've been dating for a long time, but I only found out recently, and not even because he told me, I had to find out on my own because his lies were so obvious and I couldn't deny something was up anymore. And that's the other thing. He lies constantly. I understand he's an adult and doesn't have to tell me where he is but he'll say that he's working or going to the supermarket or something, and then later I find out that he's been with his girlfriend and her children, while he almost never spends time with me and my sister. I made my peace with it because I always thought it was because of work and he just didn't have much free time but now I find that he does, but just doesn't want to spend it with us... Also he never tells us anything about her or her kids, everything I know about her is because I asked directly and insisted in getting an answer or found out myself. Also another thing... he keeps saying he doesn't have much money, now ok if it's just something we want then fine but sometimes we actually need things like health stuff the insurance doesn't cover etc and he'll say he doesn't have money but somehow he keeps taking them traveling and stuff... Also in our country, specially in our town and for their age range, it's still common for the man to always pay for stuff, it's what always happens so I know that he's paying for restaurants and presents too. Honestly it just hurts and I already told him that I feel kind of neglected, he said he would do better but nothing changed, actually I feel like it got even worse. I don't think I should say anything else because logically I know that he has the right to do all that, it's his life, his time, his money, he gets to decide, and I'm 19 so even though I'm still dependent on him and my mom bc I'm a full time student, he doesn't even have any legal obligations to be anything for me. So, I know this forum isn't very active, but please, if anyone has any advice on how to cope... I feel like I lost my dad and got replaced. I don't want to lose the little bit of our relationship that's left but every time he actually makes enough time to see us for a little bit, I feel this stabbing pain knowing it isn't because of work or anything that he's so absent it's because he found other people that he loves more and prefers... And honestly I can't deal with that. It hurts too much
@wandsrlust
I'm so sorry for the pain you are going through. No matter how old you are, seeing your parents divorce is so hard. I can't imagine how difficult it's been to watch your dad walk out of your life. You're right, it is his choice, as an adult to live as he wishes though I know that's not a consolation to your heart. You have every right to feel neglected, angry, hurt, and sad about his choices. It isn't fair to you to be pushed aside by him. It isn't fair for him to withdraw for you emotionally and financially. I know it's hard to believe it now, feeling the things you are feeling, but try to remember his choices aren't because of you. You've done nothing wrong and it's him who is missing out on the opportunity to get to know the wonderful person you are. It sounds like you are bright, kind, and loving person. You said you would like to continue having some kind of relationship with him and I think that's admirable giving all that he's put you through emotionally. Is there something that is working now in your relationship with you dad, like phone calls, letters, texts, or in person visits?