Controlling Parents
Hey everyone! Just for reference I’m a 22 year old male college student and have had a wonderful girlfriend for 1 1/2 years. I’m currently struggling with my relationship with my parents. I was supposed to graduate college this year, and due to many factors like covid, difficult classes, I won’t graduate. I told my parents this and they flipped out. Since I failed/dropped a few courses and switched majors late, I won’t be graduating for another 2 years. Of course, they flipped out. They’re forcing me to move back with them, and finish school based on their terms (no car, no help with tuition). My parents have always supported me financially when it comes to school and life. They give me everything and see me failing to graduate as me wasting their time and money, hence why they reacted how they did. And they also blame (not fully) my girlfriend because she’s a “distraction”. They’ve also never really liked her which doesn’t help. They think she’s manipulative and they think she’s stealing me away from my family and don’t accept that i truly love her and think it’s all pretend and lust. My girlfriend just wants me to be independent and self sufficient. Part of why they’re making move back and have no car is to take me away from her. My parents see everything very black and white. I didn’t graduate because i slacked off and spent too much time with my girlfriend. In reality she supports me through school and factors like covid and classes just being difficult played a role. My parents have always been controlling in other ways too. They use the things they give me against me. For example I didn’t want to speak to my dad and he said if i didn’t answer within 30 minutes he’d shut my phone down. One time they took away my car just so i wouldn’t be able to see my girlfriend as much. They never compromise on holidays and make me spend them with exclusively them and not my girlfriend. They never take into account how i feel or how they hurt my girlfriend. During christmas time i told my parents i had to leave because my gf said she got robbed and wanted to see me and my mother called her a liar. There’s proof of her injuries and everything. My girlfriend, her family and her friends all think my parents are controlling and manipulative and think i should go no contact with them. What do you think given my situation?
@blue09183
I think you are in a very tough spot with them. What do you think might happen if you went no contact wth them considering they see things in terms of black and white only? You've mentioned, if you do move back into their home, you feel like they will be very strict with your time and hinder your ablity to see your girlfriend. Do you think, by talking with them, you could reach any kind of mutual compromise? Going no contact with you family is a big decission that only you can make but you will find lots of support. whatever you choose, from our community.
This is a super tough situation to be in. My suggestion would be to work on supporting yourself so that they cannot use money against you. Is there a way to make a goal to support yourself financially and go to college? (Maybe Part Time?) It doesn't matter when you graduate, just that you do, as long as that is what you want. I'm sorry that your parents aren't supportive. My parents don't like my other half. Now I'm not speaking to them as their toxic way was affecting my mental health. Money isn't everything. What you drive doesn't matter nor the kind of phone you have. What matters is your happiness (and your girlfriend's!) I hope this helps. 🙏 good luck
