Dealing with Passing of Family Member and Other Baggage
TW: death, family trauma and conflict.
Yesterday was my grandma's funeral. During the service, my dad was very emotional in the eulogy he delivered about grandma who was his mom. However, I felt mixed feelings about it. While this was the first time I ever saw my dad being this emotional, at the same time he is preparing for divorce from my mom. Also during my life, he kept telling me and my brother to suck it up and stop crying. He talks about the entire family drifting apart and keeping in touch but he does not feel the same way for myself, my mom, and my brother. Even before the funeral, he told me he doesn't care if my mom or brother come or not. Tonight I had dinner with his cousins and a couple of other relatives who were at the funeral. I heard him talk to my cousins dirty about my brother saying how he got kicked out of two high schools, transferred colleges, and quit his job at a fancy restaurant after six months. When I told my brother this, he said my dad is deadbeat to him.
Also this is weird, but when my dad brought my grandma's ashes from the funeral, I talked to her in spirit about everything that has been happening. It is my way of making up the time I did not spend with her in her final moments. Not sure how long the ashes will be at our home until she gets buried.
Your family reminds me of my family, abusive and toxic. My mom was great and I miss her now that she is gone, but the rest of my family has various problems which make them difficult to relate to. My immediate family ( mom and dad) are gone now, and my husband had the foresight to move us 250 miles away one way so they cannot drop in unannounced and get judgemental about us, go home and flap their lips spreading judgemental untruths. It is still not far enough though, since my aunt (who sees herself as religious) not exactly, she is the most judgemental person I have ever known. She gave us two days' notice to come up for the Holidays. She proceeded to take a ton of photos and showed them to the whole family calling us hoarders. The only one to have any decency was her daughter (I love my cousin) Lindsey let me know what she was doing to me behind my back. Consequently, I called my aunt and blew a gasket on her Saying I was aware of her transgressions, which stopped her nonsense. My husband is a cancer survivor and I have some serious arrhythmia problems. I do not know my purpose, I guess just to say I understand you and have experienced things like this myself.
