Has anyone here had experience with being held back by your parents/upbringing?
I won't go into too much detail in this post because it's quite complicated, but I basically grew up with parents dealing with their own problems and couldn't really attend to mine. My dad also came to the US at age 24, which literally made it impossible for him to understand how to raise someone here in the culture I grew up in. The result is that I almost don't feel ready for the "real world" and have to learn everything on my own years after many of my peers did these things the more official and normal way. I also started to realize certain things about my dad that I had never noticed before as a kid like his cognitive dissonance regarding me getting things together. He'll "encourage" me to learn things, but when I actually step up to do these things he'll ask me why I'm doing them or tell me a bunch of things that "could go wrong." I also have to deal with knowing that my mom didn't really love him but married him thinking he'd give her a financially comfortable life because of his PhD from a top school. Due to the virus situation, my dad literally never leaves the house and my mom moved back in a few months ago involuntarily after leaving my dad 2 years ago because of likely not wanting to work or pay rent on her own. This whole situation is a mess, and while I'm trying to get my responsibilities together and work through insecurities and other things at the same time, I don't really know how much more of this I can take. I'm 24 BTW and nearly had multiple breakdowns knowing that I lost years of my life and potential experiences because I couldn't get help or ask for it earlier in life. This is only a very rough description of what I'm feeling right now because I'm not used to talking about things like this, but I thought I'd get this out there because I've been going through so much stress for months now. I'm curious if any of you have also had your emotional and intellectual development hindered by your parents and how you potentially overcame it if you have.
@brightBlueberry5050
Have you tried the 7Cups chat rooms ?
I am inviting you to the 7Cups Sharing Circle chat room.
No I never have how do I join it
@brightBlueberry5050 I am so sorry. I can relate a lot. My parents fight constantly and have for many years. My mom is also very critical and has anger problems. I felt the same as you in terms of peers, like I struggle with learning to cook, learning basic skills around my computer or car, etc. and also didn't date anyone until later in life after going to therapy. I am currently paying someone to help me a little with those things, and I am in therapy. My therapist is helping me try to build new connections that can help me learn those things, but I am still struggling with feeling in survival mode and struggling with things I don't know how to do tbh. *hugs* I wish you the best. You are not alone.
@brightBlueberry5050
How you just wrote a scene out of my life I do not know, but you got this!! My bit of encouragement would be do not allow them to hold you back from what you want to do. So many times I was warned about what "could go wrong" and listened to them, rather than just experiencing what may happen on my own. While I have branched out in life quite a bit, I too still feel like I am well "behind" my peers, and I am still learning on how to just do what I want. When I travel now, I try to just let my parents know I am leaving, but no details about what I am doing because I am sure they will try to talk me out of it.
Now that I am older I know it is a them problem and not a me problem, however since this is how I was brought up, it is extremely difficult to go against the norm. Like I said, you got this! keep doing you, stay safe, but live!!
