I still don't know what the solution is
Hi,
I am still struggling with my relationships with my parents, having decided to have limited contact and told my mom I could only talk once a month. There is also the option to not go home for Christmas, which I think I am going to take this time.
I have a counselor and she is really good, but I feel like I still don't know what the solution is to build a chosen family and how to do it now that I have limited contact. Has anyone one else done a partial or full cutoff and how did you build a support system? It feels so hard to make the types of connections needed when other people have supportive family and prioritize them over friendships a lot of the time.
-Day
@Daydreamer47
One technique that seems to work for some people who want a limited contact relationship with family is called gray rock. Here is an article that explains more about the technique. What Is the Grey Rock Method? In essence, you become disengaged and as bland as a gray rock when interacting with those you want to limit contact with. However you choose to have contact with your family is a very personal and individual decision. The most important thing is that you are putting your well being first.
I understand it can be difficult to build a support system and to add friends or chosen families to you support network. You mentioned you have friends who care for you but prioritize their family first. It's understandable but I can see how that could make you feel left out. Would it be helpful to you to have a date night with your friends? Maybe a movie or dinner out regularly with your friends? Do you feel comfortable asking your friends if they have friends who share common interests with you? Perhaps your friends could arrange a small get together to make the introductions? What about your interests? There may be clubs, organizations, or groups in your area that have classes, meet ups, or community service activities that would give you the opportunity to meet new people while pursuing a common interest.
