I wish i loved my dad
I really wish i loved him i really do, but sometimes he says stuff that makes me not like him anymore, he usually criticizes me over small things, compares me to himself when he was my age and also shouts at me for stuff in a really hurtful manner ,one time he was shouting at me and said he would disown me and my siblings if we continued acting like spoiled brats. The things he say really stay in my mind and makes me not like him as my father.
He is there to support me financially but never emotionally ,he is strict and never likes my siblings or I to speak out our opinions on something because he is always right.
I am 17 now turning 18 this year, im thinking of when i go to university i will go no contact with him, only speak to him when theres something important like university fees or something?? Idk i have been feeling this way for the longest time
I really feel like it would be best for my mental wellbeing idkkk
But i really wished i had a good father daughter relationship with him, i really wished i looked up to him and felt protected or safe with him but most of the time i feel controlled when im with him.
@Angela455 thanks for sharing. I am a father of a teenage girl, so it's really interesting to hear it from your perspective. Have you tried telling him how you feel or what kind of emotional support you need from him? Remember, parents aren't perfect, they're human, and they're always trying to figure out how to be good parents. They think they're helping when they're not, but their intention is good. One thing you shouldn't doubt is that he loves you. He may say hurtful things but that's just his imperfect way of communicating about something he cares about. I know it's hard to tell your father exactly what you think or what you need from him, but try (might take some guts) - stick to the facts - and even if he initially dismisses or ignores what you say (he's always right!), he will privately think about it and after a while will likely change his behaviour to be more supportive - he just needs gentle guidance. As a father who lives his teen, I know I do, and I appreciate it when she "corrects" me, if even I don't admit it to her. Hope this helps.
@citylights929
You don't know him or if he loves her
@citylights929 I'm glad you love your teen and are willing to change but not every parent is like this and limiting contact or going no contact with an abusive parent who won't change is often necessary for someone's mental health. Maybe a few conversations are worth trying, but this parent may not change.
Also, while I'm sure you are doing your best, I think it is the parent's responsibility to work on their own behavior and seek professional support, support groups and/or parenting classes. A child having to correct their parent's behavior puts them in a parentified role where they are acting as your therapist instead of focusing on living their own life.
Im in the same situation as you, but honestly its a relief to have someone managing to put my thoughts into words
@Angela455
If he is there to support you financially then that is something
Sorry, I know you would like more but it seems you have a pretty good grasp of what he is and isn't?
So letting him support you financially, if needed, whilst you do something for yourself (studying) sounds like a good idea. Maybe just limit the amount of emotional connection you have with him if you feel that there's nothing you can do to improve that part of your relationship with him. Maybe in time it will change or maybe, sadly, he's just not capable of that
I'm so sorry you are going through this. I support your decision to go no contact if that is what is best for you. Who knows maybe the relationship can improve with some more space. I hope you have some peace and make some good friends at university.
@Angela455 @Angela455 I'm so glad you chose to share this with all of us! it must have been such a hurtful experience to go thorough when you feel controlled by a parent and not loved! It's not your fault Angela that you're unable to love your dad as he is right now! He seems to be very harsh towards and it probably has more to do with parts of him that needs healing! While he supports you financially but it can never be an excuse for abusive behavior and it's absolutely acceptable to feel the way you're, right now, it's human. I'm so sorry you have to go through this but we are here for you Angela! //hug// Take care <3