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Ugh, Family Stress

User Profile: holly1983
holly1983 September 27th, 2021

My dad's mentally unstable (maybe a narcissist). He emotionally abused my mom. He may have verbally abused my brother. He's very controlling and needy.

I'm at my grandma's until November. He responded to that decision by becoming needy and texting me everyday. He purposely sent a text out in our family group-chat to try and make me jealous and homesick. I talked to my mom a little about it. She mentioned something about how he likes to play mind games.

My mom took his side bc he's doing OK with her now. She sent me a text with stuff like "get a better perspective on your dad. he's bossy and controlling, but he means well and he loves you."

So that's my current situation. I'm trying desperately to keep the peace for the sake of my sister's wedding in November. I'm job-hunting (my current job ends this weekend), saving up for a car and am working on becoming more independent financially, et cetera.

2
User Profile: PeaceLoveandPaws
PeaceLoveandPaws September 28th, 2021

@holly1983

It sounds like your dad's mental health issues have been a great source of stress for you in the past and continue to impact you today. It sounds like your mom's comments invalidated you and your feelings regarding the stress and anxiety, especially with your sister's wedding coming up soon. As much as you'd like his behavior to change, it seems like he is unwilling to listen, be empathetic, or value your thoughts. Would that be correct of me to assume? Have you set personal boundaries with regard to your dad? If not, what boundaries do you think might be important to set for your personal well being? Are there things you do that help you relieve your stress (dad, job hunting, and a wedding are all pretty stressful events) or take time out for yourself?

1 reply
User Profile: holly1983
holly1983 OP September 29th, 2021

You're pretty close to the truth. Unfortunately there's no boundaries in my house. Nor can I set them. If I could, I'd like the ability to be allowed to make more decisions and have some more freedom.

Rn, for self-care. I'm journaling my feelings, eating food i enjoy, listening to music, participating in fandom activities and watching my favorite TV shows.

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