Caregiver for my mom and brother
Hi everyone, my name is Brittany. I'm 28, no kid's and I have been a Caregiver for my mom of 5yrs. My brother is special needs (autistic\schizophrenia) & my mother has CHF (congestive heart failure plus many other health conditions). I am the head of household. I am always in a panic as I never feel relaxed. I have taken my mom to the hospital so much through out the years that when the staff see me, they already know the vistor is my mom. My daily life consists of: Making breakfast every morning, cooking, cleaning, checking Glucose, administrating insulin, refilling medications, making sure everyone's daily meds are filled, keeping a calender of scheduled doctor's appointments, running errands, picking up meds\groceries\supplies, paying bills, helping my mom with bathing\dressing\meds\cleanup, and my brother is easy to deal with as long as he has food he is fine. In my spare time I : 🤷 I sometimes forget about myself as I am often exhausted. I found this app because I wanted to seek an outlet. I wanted to talk to others. I have Depression\PMDD\Anxiety and I've noticed that I need to be around other people. Talk Therapy is also something that seems to help me. I often feel very much alone but hopefully being apart of this community will help lessen that. Whoever reads this, I appreciate you for listening and I hope you are doing well🌻
@DaisyBeeBlooming
I can see why you are feeling overwhelmed. Reading you daily tasks, it sounds like you have a whole lot on your plate. I see that you are pushing your needs to the bottom of the priority list. I think that happens pretty often for caregivers. Do you have a support system or people you can talk to about your feelings openly with? Is respite care or in home caregivers available to you mom that might be able to give you some time for yourself, even for a few hours a week? Since you are the primary caregiver, I know that might be easier said than done but self care is so important for caregivers. You can't pour from an empty cup. Do you have a few minuets in your day to do something to build you up? Maybe a chance to rest your eyes, sit in the back yard, or any activity that you enjoy? Self care isn't selfish. In fact, self care can help you avoid burnout or compassion fatigue. I hope you can find comfort in chatting with other caregivers here at 7 Cups too.
@PeaceLoveandPaws Hello, I've never heard of compassion fatique but that sounds about right for me. Besides my mom, I really don't have anyone else to go to which is why I'm always looking for outlets and resources for emotional support. Due to our living situation, my mom doesn't want any other nurses in our home but we are moving soon. I do find that I have a break at nighttime. I either sit in silence, listen to music, or play a computer game. I have actually gotten the chance to rest today which helps. Thank you for asking and yes I am finding much comfort in being here at 7 Cups. Where there are people, I am not alone. 🌻❤
I'm happy to see you reaching out and becoming part of a supportive community. It helps to connect with people that have gone through or that are going through the same or similar situations. I agree that talk therapy is an excellent way to help us with what is bothering us.
Yes I am very happy that I found 7 Cups. What makes me the most at ease is seeing how there are so many people on here from all walks of life and your right on connecting with those who I have similiar situations or life experiences. 7 Cups is my one of my coping mechanisms❤
@DaisyBeeBlooming I completely understand how you feel. I became a full time caregiver for my husband 6 months ago, when he was diagnosed with ALS. The disease has progressed fast and he has lost all mobility in legs and arms. I was struggling with depression before this so I am finding it extremely challenging to cope on a daily basis (doing pretty much the same things as you). We are private people but now with his illness I have a constant flow of medical people coming into our home, which does not allow me to find peace in the only place I spend all my time. I just joined 7 Cups and the first message I read was yours so I know I am in the right place. The only reason I wrote about my situation was not to focus on me but to let you know that you are not alone and your feelings are valid and shared by others. It is a difficult situation to be put it and you are a wonderful person for doing all you do. Thank you for sharing your situation and feelings as this allowed me to also see that I am not alone and enabled me to take my first step at reaching out. Sending you a virtual hug in these COVID times - take care and stay safe.
@BlueDahlia762 I hope to one day be as strong as a wife as you. You're husband is very lucky to have you. I understand that your current situation has been in a way draining your spirit but I'm glad you are here on 7 Cups. It's very easy to forget about ourselves in times of need but Just reading your story, I hope you continue to find as many outlets & emotional support as you can. You definitely deserve to breathe and to take care of your mental health as well as overall well being. I am so happy you wrote me and thank you so much for sharing your story with me! I send you many virtual hugs and strength! Welcome to 7 Cups🤗💪🌻❤❤❤
Hello, I just joined a few minutes ago. Hoping to find support with others in the same boat as I am or who can understand. My husband was also diagnosed with ALS just over a year ago in July 2020. I am his soul caregiver on this nightmare road, watching him lose function every day is heart breaking to say the least. He is fully immobile now, wheelchair/bed bound, prefers to spend most of his time in his power chair. I do it all, meds, feeding, tube feeding, hydration through tube, hoyer lifting to commode, bathing. He has some friends that stop by every few months, but other than that we are alone together in kentucky, his family in alabama, my family all in Florida. I have no close friends here, or at all really aside from my brother who I text with every day. We just had another 3 month clinic visit last week. I seem to go through a downward spiral of depression after each one and this was no different. Anticipatory grief is what I'm struggling with. Grief and regret. Grief over everything he has lost and continues to lose, Grief over him being taken from this world and from me. Regret over every moment of frustration and bickering between us. Being told he doesn't have much time left, has rocked my world all over again...comes in waves. It's easier I think, in hindsight, to pretend it all isn't really real when you can focus on caregiving duties...just focus on my list of tasks, what needs done next...survival mode I guess. Then it all comes crashing back in view..the realness and inescapability of it. My husband is really dying and there is nothing I can do about it and we are all alone. I hate this..I hate this disease.. I'm so sorry if I took over this thread or Interrupted it in anyway. I just read your stories and thought I wanted to respond here to let you know I read them, and I understand and am with you. Thank you for listening if you made it this far 💙
I completely hear you on he level of stress & you are a much stronger caregiver than I am. I care for my mother as well, but nothing compared to your responsibilities(yet). You are am amazing person, taking all of that on and such a good daughter & sister. If you ever want to chat or just vent- shoot me a message. I am not on 7cups ALL the time, but when I am I will message you eight back. You are a strong person, .. & you are not alone.
I'm just now seeing this, @BellaHealy2010 thank you for letting me know I'm not alone. I'm glad someone understands and you are a strong person as well. This lifestyle is definitely not for the weak. I appreciate your kind word's and it's good to know I can come to someone just to vent or chat. That means alot to me❤
Hey DaisyBee!! It looks like I got to your post a little late...I wanted to tell you what a great daughter and sister you sound like and that I'm so happy that you have added some things to care for yourself, like talking on 7 Cups. Caregiving is extremely difficult and often goes unrecognized. You want help, but its difficult to trust anyone with your loved ones. I can relate to what you're going through and if you ever need to talk or need additional support, please let me know.
@RayniLayne13 I guess I'm late too as I am just now seeing this. Thank you so much for your kind word's and you take care of yourself🌻❤
How do you do it??? You are only 28 years old and it is not fair for you to be doing this. Is there anyway you can contact a health facility and put them in one? I am sure if you set up an appointment and told them your story, they would listen or direct you to where you need to go. The facilities have programs and funds that would pay for their care. You can still manage their care by visiting daily but NOT be in charge of their care. You are too young and have your whole life ahead of you. You want to get married, have children, etc. My question is what happens to your brother when you are cannot mentally and physically take care of him anymore? I give you permission to go and talk to a facility and get some answers of where they could go. You will not be dropping them off and leaving. You will be involved and that makes a HUGE difference. PLEASE take care of yourself first and make some phone calls and go talk to someone and they will direct you where to go. Also, reaching out to a Church would be another possibility. The members have connections of people that know others. It is time for you to move on with your life. You have done a fabulous job BUT you cannot ruin your own mental health taking care of them because when you are spent and at the end of your rope they will have to be placed somewhere. Now you are in charge and can place them in their new home that YOU have picked for them and not someone else doing it for you. God bless you.
@bestEast2648 Hello, I have learned that healthcare facilities cost alot of money, I am not my brother's legal guardian and my mom is still in her right mind which means until she no longer has the mental compacity to make sound decisions, both of them would prefer to stay in their own home where they feel safe and I don't blame them. Both my mother and I were nurses in Assisted Living homes and let me tell you, the thing's I've seen were not good. My brother was sexually molested in a group home in the past and he is special needs who never tells anyone if something is wrong. My mom was abused by her ex-husband before she had to escape and I was verbally abused in my teen's. I think because we were all separated during a time period in the past still has an effect on us as a family. I've learned in my life so far, it's easy to tell someone what you think they should do but until you've lived through it, you wouldn't understand the dynamic, the worries, the depression, the heartbreak, the pressures, the guilt, the past event's, the fear, that person's story. I do agree that it is hard at 28 but I've also gained alot of knowledge and am still learning about myself. I do appreciate you trying to help and your concern, I will take your advice to remember to take care of my Mental Health and overall well being❤🌻
I completely understand you. Both my parents are disabled and I don't have relationship by now that my boyfriend's broken with me. I do the same things that you do. I'm so desperate
I am in the same kind of situation. I have been my dad's only support by helping him take care of my sister she is intechually challenged. She is like a five year old, ten year old sometimes and a kid forever.
My dad is getting older and everything falls on me know. You are doing a good job. Take it slow and one day at a time.
One piece of advice take care of yourself and find time for yourself. Let friends help. You will be surprised by that one person that is brought into your life when you least expect it to help. I never let anyone help and now wish I had. It takes time but you will not feel so overwhelmed. Make sure to have your own life also. But remember it to breathe and talk to friends. 7 cup members are always willing to help. Hope this helps.
