Friends..but not friends?
Hi from another space, and another mind.
Dear reader, I would appreciate it if you could share some of your thoughts on this topic below:
My question, which has been on my mind since morning, is: What exactly is friendship supposed to be like?
Is there a specific standard? Are there certain expectations, and if these expectations are not met, does that mean the friendship is corrupt?
What specifically prompted my question is that I have noticed - through my personal experience - that many friends, when they are in a state of stagnation or going through a difficult time - especially with feelings and inner thoughts- tend to disappear, isolate themselves, be reserved, and close themselves off in their own world instead of talking to their friends about what is bothering them - and I am one of those people - and of course, this behavior makes the other party feel that they are a burden and that they're not present and does not support their friend as they should.
Honestly, in a situation like this, what are we supposed to do? Ignore it as if nothing happened and wait for them to feel better? Or try to force them to talk, or what exactly? This makes me feel like I'm not a good enough friend, that I'm just an ornament and I don't offer them anything useful..
I thought that perhaps the reason was their unwillingness to spread negative feelings to others and burden them, or perhaps they feel more comfortable when they are alone - because that is how it is for me when I isolate myself from people.
But I also don't like the idea of them hiding so much from me, because it makes me feel like we're not really close friends...
Should friends be aware of our internal battles, or do friendships have limits and restrictions too?
@Helenaicy
When I'm struggling, I don't like to bother my friends and not because I don't think they'll care or want to help but because I don't want them to see me differently.
I know they if the shoe was on the other foot I'd want them to open up to me, sometimes we stand in our own path 🩷
I think friendship has some limitations every human has an internal battle going on you cannot help your friend win this battle, if your friend feel comfortable around you and feels understood that is more then enough, and in your situation I'm also one of those people who isolate themselves cuz I think I will be burden on them but I also need someone to understand me tell me some good words, and to me it depends person to person, if you really care about your friend, make him feel he is not alone or she, also respect boundaries and personal space 🙂🙂
Friendships should be about honesty and respect, you should be able to talk about anything. I'm guilty of one that takes off when I'm processing something, I need quiet and I don't feel supported so that's why I disappear.
The only thing I would feel comforted by, is if someone said, Hey, I'm not pressuring you to talk, I'm not trying to fix anything but I'm here if you need a neutral ear to listen and help you work it out, but if not, that's ok.
If they stopped talking for months, then I'd have an issue. Weeks going by but with updates, is more respectful.