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How to bring up difficult topics with a friend?

User Profile: shortfrog27
shortfrog27 October 19th, 2023

How do you initiate a conversation with someone talking about something they did that upset you without making it sound like you're trying to pick a fight or argue about it? I'm not mad at the person and I know they didn't mean for the thing to be hurtful; I just want to get it out in the open and let them know that I'd like it if they didn't do it again.

2
User Profile: Clarezg
Clarezg October 20th, 2023
@shortfrog27 Hello shortfrog27 I understand your struggle of finding a way to bring up certain topics to your friends I've been in similar positions before as well. It's especially hard when you understand where they're coming from but also still want to make your feelings known to them. That feeling is totally reasonable. For me when I was put in that situation telling my friend actually helped me feel reassured and comforted and helped my friend better understand how to better support me as a friend. Talking about hard topics has helped our friendship grow stronger and the more we talk about it the easier it is to talk about harder topics. Of course going back to your question the first time can be intimidating and hard especially not knowing how they might react. The way I initiated my first conversation was setting up a time to talk about this topic because it's often hard to insert this topic into a normal conversation. Then I explained my feelings but in a way that I wasn't accusing them of blaming them for making me feel this way. That was what I did in my similar situation. Communication in relationships is so important. I wish you luck and strength in your communication with your friend!
User Profile: Pamelahs
Pamelahs October 20th, 2023

I totally get you, I’ve felt that.

Firstly, you should not feel bad or feel like you are trying to start a fight because as you said, that’s not your goal, you should have clear that what you want is simply to express your discomfort. You should not even feel worried about what the other person responds, because your goal is to give your opinion, that’s part of assertive communication.

So my suggestion is that you try to open up, be honest with the other person, tell them how you felt, why that thing made you upset and that it is important to you that you talk about it, so the other person can understand it. Be calm and try to be sure about what you are saying, showing confidence.

It is really important that you talk about it because the other person won’t think they did something bad, and they could maybe do it again.

You got this! start little by little and you will see that’s not as hard as it seems, you will feel a lot better when you do it

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