Wanting Deep Friendships
Despite having lived in the same place for almost 5 years...and doing what I can to make connections at church, work, and in the community...I feel I don't have many friends. As a single gal in a place with no fam, I rely a lot on deep friendships.
Outside of one who always makes time to get together, everyone else is so busy with spouses and kids. I feel I don't really fit in anywhere. :(
@neatBlueberry5213 Who else in your community is lonely? What can you do to be the light in someone’s life? The prayer of St. Francis comes to mind…
@neatBlueberry5213 I can totally relate. I feel like there are people like us who feel this way out there but we have trouble finding each other. But I see you. I hear you.
@LavenderDaily
It is a huge encouragement to know there are others like yourself out there...I wish we weren't struggling to feel connected.
@neatBlueberry5213 Me, too. I have hope, though, that we will find connection. I think that's half the battle -- just thinking it's possible! My previous family dysfunction affected how I viewed relationships and for a long time, I felt better alone. As I healed those issues (am healing), I feel more like connecting with other healthier people. I don't know if that is part of your issue, too, but I thought I would share that. I definitely understand being in a place in life that others are not (with kids, etc.) and that makes it more difficult. I keep trying new things, groups, classes, and I believe there are more people to connect with out there like me. I hope that for you, too.
@neatBlueberry5213
I went through so many friendships (some good, some completely toxic) this past year when I was struggling with homelessness. The person I thought I trusted most betrayed me, one turned into a now abusive ex, a lot I just couldn't keep track of or didn't want to. I have two solid friends left and I keep hoping and hoping they will stay. I have lived in four different cities escaping abusive family and this time only the government and a few select people will have my address. I'm going to try a church that's kinda low key and super fun looking on Sunday and go from there. But yeah, I've been down for the count on solid friendships for about 15 years. I feel your pain.
As fate would have it, I commented on something similar just now in a different thread about self-esteem! It applies very well so I will copy and paste it below (please note, I have literally no one also, I'm completely alone, so I get it):
I just had an extreme moment of clarity related to this topic that I wanted to share and that may help others...
I have had a severe amount of betrayal and abandonment in my life, including family. Being alone (I have no family, no spouse, no kids, no friends that I do anything with, only one co-worker, and one fur baby left who is my world). So when these fires hit in Maui, I remembered my 1st fiancee from LONG ago, that last I heard, part of his family was going to move there. I was with him for 10 years so I knew his family pretty well, way back then anyway. So I looked everyone up on *** (mistake #1... your past is your past and leave it there). Then I emailed my ex to see if everyone was ok (mistake #2... refer to mistake #1 and add why does it matter when all I would be able to say is "ok, good" or "I'm so sorry"!?).
He was surprised but cordial, nothing wrong with his reply at all, but he closed all doors to further conversations by the way things were worded in a veiled way (for example, "I hope all is well, take care" and not anything open-ended). Side note, I am the one who ended things and I have ZERO interest in sparking a new relationship as he and I are polar opposites and he has someone he is equally yoked with, so to speak). But I also mentioned in my email to him that "I miss everyone" where this too went unaddressed (mistake #3... be ready for what will feel like more abandonment and lack of any concern for me if you reach back into your past!). The current lack of concern for me in my life, now coupled with this new lack of concern shown hit me HARD! This is actually how I came to find 7Cups just 3 days ago because I needed someone, anyone, to be kind and think that some aspect of me has value! Please note, my intentions were pure, but I did have a hope in the back of my mind of it leading to maybe being friends again with him and/or his family because I am without any significant support systems and I am heading into another crisis from being laid off. Anyway...
THIS LEAD ME TO NEW SELF-ESTEEM, CLARITY, AND GROWTH TODAY, 3 DAYS LATER!!!... I was thinking about it all and realized re: missing all of them, ACTUALLY NO I DON'T!! In fact, far from it as some of the nastiest lack of considerations came from some of them!! So I realized, HUH, I GUESS I THEN MISS BEING A PART OF SOMETHING... AGAIN. ACTUALLY, NO I DON'T!!! I am an introvert and I am just fine being alone provided I have occasional interaction with people who are kind in return!!
***SO THE SELF-ESTEEM TAKE AWAY: PEOPLE WHO HAVE INTEGRITY WILL STILL BE IN YOUR LIFE DESPITE ANY SITUATION AND IT IS BEST TO REMEMBER THAT THEY ARE YOUR PAST FOR A REASON... SO INSTEAD TURN THAT KIND, PURE MOTIVE OF CONCERN AND LOVE BACK TOWARDS YOURSELF WHERE IT BELONGS WHEN GIVEN THE OPTION TO FACE A REPEAT OF THE PAST YOU LEFT FOR A REASON!!!***
Still hurts some, and that was my mistake, but I remembered to 💜 FIND THE LESSON IN THE TEST 💜.
*****
I understand. I dont have any friends or fanily emotional support . In fact my 2 siblings exclude me and dont talk to me. No partner so i feel like a orphan. Mom is toxic/ narcisstic to me and im not her favorite.... im hoping to find in future maybe after i can move out some nice friends. Take care