Why we fail as a good friend
Friendship can break for various reasons, ranging from simple misunderstandings to more complex issues such as betrayal, jealousy, or a fundamental disagreement about values or priorities. Sometimes friendships naturally fade away due to distance, changes in circumstances, or simply growing apart over time. Other times, external factors such as a romantic relationship or personal struggles may put a strain on the friendship. Communication breakdowns, lack of trust, and unresolved conflicts can also contribute to the breakdown of a friendship. Ultimately, every friendship is unique, and the reasons why they may break can be equally unique and complex.
@ChillCharm
That's such a valuable insight, "friendships are unique, therefore the breakdowns are unique". I think like life, relationships aren't permanent and that it's okay to see some friendships fade as time moves on. Sometimes certain ones weren't just met to be. I like to think of them as fun memories, but keep moving on and looking ahead.
thank you for writing this. My former friend cut me off weeks ago after I had a mental breakdown and later reached out to Crisis. They didn’t say anything to me. So I’ve been grieving since. Hopefully I can move on from it. I was grateful enough to still have other friends who understood what I was going through.
@compassionateOak202 [this is not to excuse their behaviour, but I always felt guilty about this when I accidentally did this to a friend of mine]
Someone I went to school with had just ended a relationship when she found out her (now ex) boyfriend and best friend cheated on her about a year after I ended my relationship with someone who had cheated on me (they got the other person pregnant, so there was really no way to fix it). My friend lived in the states and I was in the UK but we were talking about our experiences. Around that time I started a new relationship that was with someone who had an addiction I didn't know about. As my friend and I are talking, she says she's coming to the UK and would like to see me I am excited and say "let's meet up!" But then discovered the addiction my (now ex) was hiding. I was too ashamed to tell her and so made up an excuse and just went silent on social media. During her visit I would see the photos she would post and wished I could join in but I was helping my ex recover. I never told her. I'm still to ashamed/ embarrassed. She also looks as if she had a better time without me.
I cannot let my drama affect other people (especially if they needed to feel like their own issues were being supported) so I let them think I am a flakey person, & I am flakey anyway. I find socialising very stressful. But those people mean more to me than I can (am actually able to) say. They get along better together too & im never invited out. But that's okay because I think my drama would be toxic.
Communicating this to people is what I should do. They wouldn't feel like I didn't care & they could plan their time better. But also I am selfish because I like them and want to see them. So I try to. I fail (a lot) but the anxiety I get keeping friends is stifling. And I sometimes wish I could just disappear from their experience so I could love them from afar but not hurt them.
I bet your friend feels some guilt if they know you needed them. Even if it was in reaction to your own pain needing addressing because there will be parts of you they love, otherwise they wouldn't have been your friend in the first place 😬
I hope your recovery journey is beginning & soothing the space you feel your friend left. I hope it gives you a place to make some space for you to have an even better relationship 🙂 with whoever is lucky to spend time with you
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I hope you’ll be able to gain new strength to show how much of a good friend you are. And yeah, there’s always 2 sides. I can only perceive my situation from my end and not assume the other. I wouldn’t be able to contact them again because blocking/unfollowing me from literally everywhere including games we used to play just shows what they are.
It was just heartbreaking and disappointing because this is not a new behavior they did. So I really thought they knew better than that after several years of being so close. I also felt guilty because I lost control that day and at the same time suicidal. So I’ve been attending a recovery program ever since (I can’t afford therapy at this time). Only my now ex-friend and my significant other witnessed my crisis, and in the end my significant other was the only one who reached out.
And thank you for your kind words! The recovery program has been a eye-opener for me, and I’m starting to reach out to God again. I also just recently returned here at 7cups after a few years because I wasn’t familiar with this site and I gave up on it after day 1. So I’m glad to be here again to find some wisdom like this thread.
@compassionateOak202 ☝🏽☝🏽☝🏽 *ALERT: this person is making self healing choices! Their wisdom is contagious and their life is heading in an awesome direction! Wearing a helmet is advised incase you get your mind BLOWN 🤯*
So far it’s just a new beginning for me. I’ve been out of touch for years but then after spending time with my support group, I realized every person has their god or higher power they look up to, and that God isn’t just one being.
The recovery program has included principles that involve having faith, and after hearing other people’s stories of turning themselves over to their God/ Higher power, I end up wondering if I am able to try again with mine and restore my own faith.
Last night, I just started my own prayer journal. So I’ll see how it goes. <3
Thank you so much for your responses! It’s truly a blessing.